Friday, July 24, 2009

Fish Night at Golden Corral

Somewhere within the extended family of my mom's, the idea has been planted that the Golden Corral is the next best thing to a Ruth's Chris or Morton's for dinner. I can't quite figure out where this idea originated from, but the fact that it exists within the collective conscious of the Sprague clan (my mom's family) is undeniable. It was merely 12 years ago that we all gathered for a Thanksgiving feast on the plains of Oklahoma. Did we sup at a warm and inviting farmhouse dining room table? No! We settled for the formica-topped glory of the Enid, OK Golden Corral. This, at least for me, was a travesty, but one I could forgive. It was the most convenient way to ensure everyone got enough to eat, and that we would all have time to enjoy each other's company, without having to cook and clean for two days.

However, this year's gathering in Utah was different than the 1997 Thanksgiving conclave on the western fringes of Oklahoma. Utah offers much more dining options than the GC, and much better ones, I might add. Most Utahns' themselves would say that the Chuck-A-Rama is a better buffet option (although thats like comparing poop to vomit). Within 20 miles of downtown SLC, one can find plenty of better places: bbq joints, Wingers (love them wings), Cafe Rio (mmm) and the decent chains we know and love, like TGI Fridays, Olive Garden, and even Applebee's. Now, some may argue you get more bang for your buck at GC, but I beg to differ. It was $30.00 for my sweetie and me to get dinner and drinks, and our best options were roasted chicken under the heat lamps and the bread pudding. (Buffet bread pudding is the best. Wait, its the only place I ever find bread pudding. Still, a soup crock full of bread pudding with some cheapy ice milk dumped on top is a special treat every belt-loosening glutton would devour with delight). STILL, for $30.00 we could have had some good entrees and maybe even an appetizer at another place.

Even though the bang for your buck theory doesn't hold with GC, it is the lesser of offenses committed there. This is because the worst part of a Friday Fish Night at the GC is the rest of the folks elbowing each other for the freshly reheated morsels of mass-produced "just like mashed potatoes" and meatloaf, since the fish sticks and miniature fried scallops have already been cleaned out. I have never seen more people genuinely excited at the prospect of eating as much as they could stuff in their guts...and I am a veteran gut-stuffer, going way back to my high school days, where the lunch buffet at Godfather's Pizza was a chance to prove your manliness, or sissyness. Friday night at GC, I saw young and old disappointed that the last stale taco shell was shattered into chips, leaving tons of over-seasoned ground meat product just sitting in its metal bin. As if the taco would have held together during the entire eating process, never turning to taco salad on the plate anyway. C'mon people, just dump the meat on your plate with some cheese and lettuce, and call it good. Quit stopping the line waiting for another sleeve of taco shells to be dumped in front of you!
Who eats those kind of tacos anymore anyway? I guess one of the perks of living in Cali is discovering that tacos don't come in a molded fried corn shell, but on two warm corn tortillas, with some lime, jalapenos, cilantro, and whatever meat you choose on it. I'm getting hungry just writing about it. Anyway, thats saying something when Jorge's Taco Truck at lunchtime beats a sit-down place packed with folks on a Friday night.

Anyway, I don't want to offend those who go to bed at night dreaming of the next trip to the Golden Corral, so I will leave with some positives: Bread Pudding, Ice Cream, and fresh baked rolls with honey-butter.