Newcomer Noodle

Going 360

2011-09-04T10:08:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not trying to reach 360 lbs, although it would be doable in a month or two if I wanted. Instead, I'm referring to my purchase of an X-box 360 over this weekend. My wife took our kids to Taiwan for 3 weeks, and since I have no vacation time left, I am home alone. I immediately decided to make a list of all the things I could do since the wife and kids were gone. Buy a motorbike? A boat, or jet ski? Go and get an even bigger T.V.? Fly to Vancouver or Toronto and see Canada? I slowly eliminated different dreams from the list. A motorbike would only be useable for about 4-5 months of the year here in Utah. A boat or jet ski would require the purchase of a truck to pull it around, and I don't really want a truck right now. A bigger T.V. would only give me another 4-6 inches of viewable space, and it would cost around $1,500-$2,500.00 Finally, while contemplating what I could possibly do with my few weeks of "freedom", it hit me. For as long as I've been married, there has been a ban on video games in my home, for good reason. As I'm already a naturally lazy person, having another reason to sit around and stare at a screen while ignoring those around me doesn't make any sense. But now, there isn't anyone around me to ignore, and video game lazy time could just replace my current t.v. watching lazy time. I'll go buy an X-box 360! I rushed over to Walmart and paid 400.00 for the latest and greatest. The 250 GB Kinect model. I bought Madden 2012 too, because, hey, its what men play on the Xbox. I raced home, hooked it up, and started playing. I immediately started feeling guilty. I don't want to offend other fathers over 30 out there who play Xbox, but I could literally feel myself becoming more and more useless, wasting minute after minute, hour after hour. When I was a kid and teenager, video games brought excitement, thrills, and hours and hours of Tecmo bowl joy. Now, I'm a 35 year old man sitting in my living room interacting with a machine, and really stinking at it, and I'm just not getting the same buzz out of it. Remember the law of diminishing returns from Economics? Well, I was living it with the Xbox.

Every time I played a game, all I felt was guilt and shame. When I pressed that X-box button, I felt like life was missing something. Playing Kinect produced beads of sweat, but there's warm weather for outside stuff still yet. Should it stay or should it go? How long before my Ellen would know? Then I thought a funny something: Instead of Xbox, I would actually rather be running! Seriously, that's how bad it got. Physical exercise over recliner-rot. Wrapped up cables, wrapped up cords. No more digitally rendered swords. Xbox placed back in its place. It's box, its cardboard carrying case. Find receipt, climb into car. Already relief of the emotional scar. Walmart counter, "What's the issue?" "You might want to grab a tissue. I'm married and have two beautiful kids. They need their Dad to interact with them. Too young to grasp the game controller, still wanting walks riding in a stroller. Overweight and an MBA student, sitting on my @$$ just wouldn't be prudent. I love my wife and miss her like crazy. I don't want to make her angry. Take this thing and refund my money. Remove this cloud of darkness and restore the sunny." Device returned, cash received. I had really been deceived. The two days time was not spent thrifty, I had come full circle, well, I guess 360.

Stereotypes Affirmed

2010-08-09T22:19:00.001-07:00

So, I'm at Costco today, and there is a gathering crowd of people all lining up near a side door. This seems odd to me, since it is not the main card check "wow look at those sweet HDTVs" entrance. As I get a closer look, I notice that all of the people in the crowd were either young (under the age of 30), black, hispanic or caucasian men/women, or if they were older, black women. I then discover that they were all waiting in line to meet Ludacris, an Atlanta based rapper who also appeared in the movie Crash. Luda (oh, I know his nickname) was there promoting his new product, some cognac dubbed "conjure." All I know is, if someone asked me to conjure up a racial profile of Ludacris fans, it would have matched the demo waiting in that line. Now, before anyone gets their drawers up in a bunch, it is only an observation. If Toby Keith was signing autographs at Costco, I would expect a bunch of fat white women or rednecks, with a deere or bud hat on, talking in a language that drops any "ing" endings, angry that Costco don't let em park the trailer in the back, like they does at Wal-mart. The funny thing? I'm a 34 year old white guy, fluent in ebonics, who has enjoyed music from both of those artists.

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Ever seen a goldfish? Ever seen one swimming in a kids mouth?

2009-08-16T23:06:00.000-07:00

I think this pic is kinda gross, but my objections were overruled, and so here it is. Its just Rayley munching on some goldfish crackers. Anyone reading this hungry yet? Didn't think so.

Like a Freak on a Leash

2009-08-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

I've never been a fan of Korn for several reasons. First, whats up with the K? Are you trying to be scary? If you want to be scary, and use the word Korn, just make it corn, like "Children of the Corn." That movie series is so scary, I have never even seen it. Still, some feral children with scathes and reapers hiding in some tall corn killing a bunch of people frightens me to this day. I've never seen any of the films, and I haven't even checked it out on Wikipedia, but my fear is based on some assumptions based on some overheard conversations in junior high from some fairly credible sources. KORN. Is it an acronym? Kids' Own Runny Noses? Kentucky's Original Red Necks? I see a made-for-TV movie about a renegade band of biker dudes from Kentucky, black leather jackets on, with a really mean looking ear of corn embroidered under the letters K-O-R-N.

Now, the reason for the Korn references is simple. The band Korn had one major hit song, "Freak on a Leash." My little girl can seem like a freak on a leash. Thats the connection. Thats the whole entire reason why the above paragraph exists.

Ellen has finally discovered Target, something I was passively trying to protect my wallet from for the past few years. I've seen what Target can do to a woman. Suddenly, overpowered by the siren call of the simple red dot surrounded by a circle, a woman finds all sorts of crap she never intended to buy, that suddenly become "must haves." I don't want to hear any baloney about how a guy shopping at Home Depot does the same thing, because in those cases, the items purchased are actually useful, its just that sometimes I never get around to using them. Well, during one of Ellen's 3 sojourns to Target this week (yikes!), she stumbled across this monkey on a backpack thingamajiggy, which you fasten to a toddler. We have only used it for a day, but Rayley has already decided its not a good thing for her to be wearing. In one particular pic, you can tell that Mom is not too thrilled with having to hold back the reigns when Rayley wants to touch everything within 30 feet.

Totally Safe for All Infants and Toddlers!(PG-13)

2009-08-16T22:08:00.001-07:00

Hmm, I wonder why its hard to find this floatation device in America? Could it have something to do with safety standards or the fact that we value human life? Take a look at this thing, it gives new meaning to the phrase "I'm going to ring your neck!" "Really, your going to ring my neck? Gee, thanks, I'll be able to enjoy countless hours in the pool now!" Rayley is our little tadpole, and she loves to paddle around any body of water in which its physically possible to do so.

When most people notice our little mermaid on the surface, they give this look of shock, curiosity, and then ask what the number is for Child Protective Services. If they would just inspect a little closer, they would realize just how safe and effective the neck-nut (thats what I call it, you know, donut for the neck) can be in teaching your little ones to swim. The only worry I have is that, in the unfortunate circumstance that Rayley is drowning some day, someone will toss her a life-saver, and she will mistakenly slip her head through it, and be confused that her chin doesn't naturally rest on it somewhere. Other than that, I'm trying to figure out how to market these things in the U.S. Liability insurance might be a problem though...

Oh, this post is rated PG-13 because Ellen just pointed out the kids making out in the hot tub in the background of one photo.

Cause she's proud to be an American!

2009-08-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

Ellen is a Citizen of the United States of America! After 3 years of enduring marriage to me, studying and passing a civics test, and paying a lot of money to the U.S. Govt, Ellen took the oath and was naturalized on August 12th. Once we were leaving the ceremony site, Ellen actually expressed to me that she really likes the Lee Greenwood song, "God Bless the USA." She wants to get it as a ringtone on her cell phone. I think its a little strange to have that as a ringtone when its not around the 4th of July, but hey, I'm not a recently naturalized citizen, so who am I to judge?

Fish Night at Golden Corral

2009-07-24T21:56:00.001-07:00

Somewhere within the extended family of my mom's, the idea has been planted that the Golden Corral is the next best thing to a Ruth's Chris or Morton's for dinner. I can't quite figure out where this idea originated from, but the fact that it exists within the collective conscious of the Sprague clan (my mom's family) is undeniable. It was merely 12 years ago that we all gathered for a Thanksgiving feast on the plains of Oklahoma. Did we sup at a warm and inviting farmhouse dining room table? No! We settled for the formica-topped glory of the Enid, OK Golden Corral. This, at least for me, was a travesty, but one I could forgive. It was the most convenient way to ensure everyone got enough to eat, and that we would all have time to enjoy each other's company, without having to cook and clean for two days.

However, this year's gathering in Utah was different than the 1997 Thanksgiving conclave on the western fringes of Oklahoma. Utah offers much more dining options than the GC, and much better ones, I might add. Most Utahns' themselves would say that the Chuck-A-Rama is a better buffet option (although thats like comparing poop to vomit). Within 20 miles of downtown SLC, one can find plenty of better places: bbq joints, Wingers (love them wings), Cafe Rio (mmm) and the decent chains we know and love, like TGI Fridays, Olive Garden, and even Applebee's. Now, some may argue you get more bang for your buck at GC, but I beg to differ. It was $30.00 for my sweetie and me to get dinner and drinks, and our best options were roasted chicken under the heat lamps and the bread pudding. (Buffet bread pudding is the best. Wait, its the only place I ever find bread pudding. Still, a soup crock full of bread pudding with some cheapy ice milk dumped on top is a special treat every belt-loosening glutton would devour with delight). STILL, for $30.00 we could have had some good entrees and maybe even an appetizer at another place.

Even though the bang for your buck theory doesn't hold with GC, it is the lesser of offenses committed there. This is because the worst part of a Friday Fish Night at the GC is the rest of the folks elbowing each other for the freshly reheated morsels of mass-produced "just like mashed potatoes" and meatloaf, since the fish sticks and miniature fried scallops have already been cleaned out. I have never seen more people genuinely excited at the prospect of eating as much as they could stuff in their guts...and I am a veteran gut-stuffer, going way back to my high school days, where the lunch buffet at Godfather's Pizza was a chance to prove your manliness, or sissyness. Friday night at GC, I saw young and old disappointed that the last stale taco shell was shattered into chips, leaving tons of over-seasoned ground meat product just sitting in its metal bin. As if the taco would have held together during the entire eating process, never turning to taco salad on the plate anyway. C'mon people, just dump the meat on your plate with some cheese and lettuce, and call it good. Quit stopping the line waiting for another sleeve of taco shells to be dumped in front of you!

Who eats those kind of tacos anymore anyway? I guess one of the perks of living in Cali is discovering that tacos don't come in a molded fried corn shell, but on two warm corn tortillas, with some lime, jalapenos, cilantro, and whatever meat you choose on it. I'm getting hungry just writing about it. Anyway, thats saying something when Jorge's Taco Truck at lunchtime beats a sit-down place packed with folks on a Friday night.

Anyway, I don't want to offend those who go to bed at night dreaming of the next trip to the Golden Corral, so I will leave with some positives: Bread Pudding, Ice Cream, and fresh baked rolls with honey-butter.

The Invention that Changes Everything!

2009-04-02T18:36:00.000-07:00

OK, I realize that I am one of those rare men who post on a blog sometimes, and the post has nothing to do about sports, or hot chicks, although I do talk about steaks, ice cream, nachos, and other foodstuffs occasionally. As a man, I am prone to saying some really insensitive and stupid things sometimes. Case in point, I recently pointed out to my wife how well another woman in our ward seems to handle three kids at home while her husband works full-time. BAD IDEA. The aftermath of that comment I made is still being felt in the Newcomer household. No matter how much I apologize, the stain of that remark seems to linger, and there is no soothing laundry detergent for words that can get it out. However, I thought about a way to sort of heal the hurting words, the bitter feelings, a little better. Introducing.........

THE EMOTIONAL CAMERA.
The Emotional Camera (EC) would take emotional photographs of different moments in life. Equipped with a delete button, anytime a snapshot of bad emotions is taken, it can be quickly forgotten. With a special "fleshy tables of the heart" gajigabite memory, all the positive feelings, all the lovey-doveys and gooshy-wooshies, all the "awww...Trevs" and "You're amazings" would be saved. Then, in a moment of weakness, that moment where my mouth has formed words, and my tongue is in the midst of delivering said words, but my mind is just beginning to understand the emotionally traumatic impact of the words, I can relax. As my significant other begins to form a sad and dissapointed, even dejected face, I can whip out the EC. "Here baby, take a look at this one..doesn't that feel good? Remember how wonderful I was that time? Oh, look at this one here, when we had a wonderful time and I told you how beautiful you are, and how lucky I am to have met you, and how incredibly miraculous it was for me to somehow convince you to marry me..remember that. doesn't that feel wonderful?" (Actually, that last one might cause more bad than good, but you get the idea).

The EC would help promote marital health, good relationships, shiny happy people holding hands, everything good.

Now I just need to invent it.

Where do they learn this stuff?

2009-04-02T18:14:00.001-07:00

Ellen likes to sleep with her arms covering her eyes. I have a theory of why Ellen does it so much. I figure she is so used to covering her eyes for the times I make a run from the shower to my dresser, that her body just naturally reverts to the same pose when she sleeps. Still, that doesn't explain why my 9-month old daughter does it. Is it in the genes?

For the other picture, I have no idea where Rayley learned to act like that. She barely knows how to give me a kiss, much less some young little studmuffin like Benji here.

Like a Stone Cut Out of a Mountain

2009-02-23T03:25:00.000-08:00

When I first visited Ellen's famiy in Meinong in 2005, there were rumors about a new LDS chapel being built nearby. While driving around town, we stumbled upon this ginormous (for Asia) new jewel standing tall in the city. I thought this was a temple at first, with the large steeple and majestic form. We learned that it is large enough to support three wards, which is interesting since at this point in time, there is only a small branch there. "If you build it, they will come" seems to be the philosophy. The church definitely stands out amongst the older buildings of the area. The sign at the bottom is a warning to any construction crews that tobacco, alcohol, and betel nut are not to be used while working at the site.

Scenes from Meinong, Taiwan

2009-02-23T03:14:00.000-08:00

A rice paddy near Papa's home in Meinong.

This is a Pitaya (dragon fruit) vine.

Sunset

Trip to Taitung, Taiwan

2009-02-23T03:06:00.000-08:00

On the southeastern coast of Taiwan sits the town of Taitung. We traveled down to Taitung to visit our friend Sho Sho, who just delivered a baby boy, the same day we arrived! We loved Taitung, with its gorgeous views of the eastern Pacific coastline. That's Grandma Chang holding Rayley. Is it me, or does Rayley look like my sister Lacey? I definitely see a resemblance.

Flowers of Taiwan

2009-02-23T02:56:00.000-08:00

Here are some pics from Taiwan. The top shows a pic of our family in one of many flower fields near Papa's house in Meinong. Many people around Taiwan travel to Meinong around Chinese New Year to see the various flowers. The next two pics are of orchids from Papa's orchid farm. Finally, I just stuck a pic of Rayley and a cat in here for the heck of it.

Thanksgiving pics up before Christmas!

2008-12-11T11:31:00.000-08:00

So some people have been bugging me to post some pics of the Thanksgiving festivities held at our house. Here are pics of most of the worthwhile activities that went on, although one particular event will not have any photos associated with it, to protect the viewers of this blog. Here among the pictures is a picture taken from the Muir Beach overlook, just north of San Francisco. We were originally trying to visit the Muir Woods National Monument, but were going to be too late for entry, so we took a detour and found this place, right at sunset. It is truly a breathtaking view. The picture of us in front of the Sacramento Temple was taken on the day that Rayley was blessed. The picture on the top-left is Rayley is trying to make friends with Benji, the only other asian-american baby in our ward. The other pic is my parents holding Rayley at the Muir Beach overlook.

The Resun Asian Kids are smarterer than American kids

2008-11-16T20:39:00.000-08:00

We have all heard and seen the stereotype about Asians being better academically than the rest of us. Typically, kids over in China, Taiwan, Japan, or Korea are 2-3 years ahead in math and science than similarly aged kids over here in the U.S. This has always puzzled me, since I have spent time with kids in Taiwan and Japan, and they did not strike me as particularly smarter than kids here in the U.S.
Ellen and I had a good long talk about these stereotypes, and she shed some serious light on why kids perform better in Asia, especially in math and science: beatings

Corporal punishment was once pretty common here in the U.S. When my folks where in school, the principal really paddled kids butts if they screwed up. When I was a young lad, the principal had a paddle, hanging on his wall, in plain sight of all the adolescent troublemakers eyes. I never knew the feel of Mr. Melican's paddle, and my classmates who went down to his office often, told me it didn't hurt. I suppose they got worse beatings at home than what the principal could dish out. Well, I'm here to tell ya that NOTHING here in the states compares to what students get in Taiwan.
When Ellen was in school, kids were literally beaten across the face, wrists, knuckles, legs, etc until the bled. Ellen told me in all seriousness how she would get struck across the face for failing a test.
"If we had a math test with 10 questions, I would get hit on my hand, leg, or butt for each question I missed, by the teacher."
Wow. Here in the states, if a kid messes up on a math test, he gets a tutor, or a special committee is formed to help him gain confidence in math, he's placed into an afterschool program, or he is coddled over to the shop class or "industrial arts" program. We have sissified legions of Americans whereas over in Asia, millions upon millions of kids learn what "compulsory" in compulsory education really means. How are we supposed to compete with that?

Trunk or Treat

2008-10-22T20:36:00.000-07:00

Just some pics from another ward's Trunk or Treat we crashed this week. We just wanted to show off our cutie, "The Office" style of course :)

She is supposed to be a pea pod, and we decided to complement her with our groceries for the week.

The Culinary Conversion of a Rice & Noodles Gal

2008-10-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

We've been married almost three years, and in that time, I have had the privilege of eating hundreds of bowls of rice, and hundreds of other bowls of noodles. Asian fare is the norm, and American fare the exception. Most folks say "hey, lets do something different and go out for Chinese tonight." In our home, its "gosh, wouldn't it be different to go out for burgers, or steak, or a pizza? Lets do something really weird and eat hot dogs!" If we really feel adventurous, we hit a Mexican place, which in California, are as ubiquitous as McDonald's. Since the birth of our first baby in July, however, Ellen's appetite has undergone a transformation that is nothing short of a minor miracle. No longer are we shopping weekly at the local Asian"Shoon-Fung" (that's how ya say it) supermarket where I'm the only guy over 225 lbs, and definitely the only guy with hair that isn't black. Now we hit places like Winco, Wal-mart, and Raley's. (Yes, the grocery store was kind of an inspiration for our daughter's name. Don't laugh.) Those are stores where there are always a lot of fat people, stinky people, thrifty people, and some brave and clean people, but few reverent people. It's a mixing pot of all races, faces, and criminal law cases. Anyway, this is a post about food, not food stores, so I continue below.

Tonight was the realization of constant campaigning on my part for a change in standard cuisine at the Newcomer household. I figure, if we are going to eat carbs, we might as well let potatoes and bread be part of the mix, right?

Well, feast your eyes on this food lovers, I present to you....

Ellen's Surf & Turf Special

Enjoy a mouthwatering USDA choice cut ribeye paired with pan-seared scallops in garlic and bacon sauce, complemented by a garden-fresh vegetable medley, Trevor's famous home-made bread, and bacon & ranch kissed pasta salad with fresh greens.

Too dumb for Ellen

2008-10-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not referring to myself in the title of this post, but maybe I should?

This weekend, some friends had a game night, and the featured game was "Mexican Train Dominoes." Ellen has grown up playing Mahjong, a fast paced and somewhat complicated game where each player must make quick memorization of several tiles, all with different characters and numbers on them, and then making several calculations throughout the game while tiles are being played and discarded in pretty rapid fashion. In Taiwan, I have yet to see a Mahjong game played where money isn't gambled as part of the game. Can you imagine playing Uno here, but you have to pony up $50.00 just to join in? (Maybe some of you do that already).

Well, Ellen was playing the dominoes game this past weekend, and the whole time, she was speaking to me in Japanese saying "This is a really dumb game. Dumb people must like this game."

After two rounds, she finally had enough, and asked the host "Is there a game we can all play that needs more brain power?"

Thats my sweetie.

Never too early...

2008-10-09T14:02:00.000-07:00

We figure that Rayley, with her Chinese heritage, has a great chance of being a world-class gymnast. Here is a pic of her doing her pre-routine stretches, and another pic of her practicing on the rings. We know the rings are a male-event, but we figure Rayley's talent will convince the IOC to allow her in the competition. We assume she will be old enough to qualify for the Chinese National team in about 4 years!

Fighting the Good Fight

2008-10-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

We had a great meeting last night, for the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign, with hundreds of dedicated volunteers amassing to plan the next crucial weeks of the campaign. I have created a new blog entirely for this purpose: marriage=man+woman

This blog is a forum for discussing the gay marriage issue. Feel free to comment there, regardless of your point of view. I welcome all comments, but will not condone bigotry, hateful speech, or misleading information.

Back to the basics

2008-08-31T20:14:00.000-07:00

OK, so I admittedly have gotten very political in my last few posts, and I feel like I have spoiled the familial nature of this blog, which was its original intent. Sure, I have always posted my opinions on different things, but the main purpose of this blog is to maintain contact with my family and friends, share photos, events, etc. Therefore, I will no longer be overly political on this blog, but will contribute to other politically minded blogs in the future.

The Gettysburg of the Culture War

2008-08-22T10:57:00.000-07:00

As readers of this blog may or may not know, there is a tremendous battle being fought in California right now over homosexual marriage, which one Christian leader has termed "The Gettysburg of the Culture War." In 2000, 61% of the voters in CA approved Proposition 22, which stated "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." The will of the people defined marriage as between a man and a woman. This spring, the California Supreme Court, in a 4-3 decision, declared Proposition 22 to be unconstitutional, overturning the will of the people. Now there is Proposition 8, which seeks to place into the California Constitution an amendment defining marriage exactly how Proposition 22 did, as being between a man and a woman. While campaigning for Prop 8, many people have asked me why gay marriage is such a big deal. "Who does it hurt?" "Who cares if gays can be married?"
The reasons are many. I encourage everyone, whether for or against Prop 8, to watch the video through the link below. It lays out the problem with the court's decision, and the long term ramifications from the decision, not just in California, but for the entire country. The real loser in the court's decision is religious freedom. No one can honestly say that allowing the union of homosexuals to be defined as "marriage" does no harm.

***Warning: within the video are several scenes of homosexual wedding ceremonies showing kissing between the couples.***

VIDEO

2008-08-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes that Southern, folksy way of talking is the best way to get a point across.

Now..if I could just think of a clever sign to promote Prop 8 here in California....

I think we need to make more babies...

2008-08-15T00:55:00.000-07:00

The evidence speaks for itself!

Our First Family Pictures

2008-08-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

These are some family pictures that were taken last Saturday by Emily Heizer of Heizer Photography . She did a good job of staying calm while Rayley showed off her bladder and intestinal skills.

2008-07-30T21:02:00.000-07:00

2008-07-28T21:44:00.000-07:00

Where is my milk?

Look really close at the right hand. I don't know what I did to make her get angry, but does she really need to bust out the bird at this age??

Rayley is really happy about the outfit. She also wants to thank Aunt Lacey for providing the headband. She feels proud that she has some hair under the band already too.

My driving apparently bores her.

Just some pics.

2008-07-28T21:34:00.000-07:00

Never too early to start 'em on the Piano.

Much thanks to Stephanie Lewis, who designed and created this bassinet cover, and loaned us the bassinet! Stephanie has a knack for creating cute and current designs of everything imaginable, including bibs, blankets, and whatever a baby or child might need. Her website is found here.

Rayley aspires to be a pirate someday, because she loves to keep that one eye open. I guess we can put a patch on her for Halloween.

Then and Now

2008-07-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

Then: Tired was when I fell asleep at church
Now: Tired is not being able to sit down for even 5 minutes before having to get up again, and again, and again.

Then: Holding a baby was something I did because it was culturally expected of me; If I didn't hold it, the parents would think I didn't like their baby or had some deep-seeded anti-social feelings.
Now: Nothing beats holding my newborn and letting her fall asleep on my expansive baby-holder.

Then: I saw breastmilk a few times, like when my mom was feeding my little sister or something.
Now: I feel like I'm the proprietor of a dairy farm operation.

Then: I drove "safe and aggressive."
Now: I'm the 85 year old guy who never got the memo about the 55mph speed limit being abolished. Every speed bump is negotiated below 10 mph, every turn taken with apprehension.

Then: The Pump was a basketball shoe, and I had to make sure I pumped them on the basketball court, so everyone could see how ridiculously cool I was with my Reebok Pumps. I would point my toes so the people across the way could clearly see the round plastic little basketball on the toungue. "Nuke (my nickname) has got Pumps now, daaang." Then, I would depress 20 times, my customized pressure amount, because I knew it would make me jump faster, higher.
Now: The pump is a device in my bedroom, utilizing suction for a completely different purpose, with completely different results; oh, and I don't bring the pump to a basketball game or necessarily want people to see it while its in operation. You get the idea.

Then: I worried about what are baby would look like, because sometimes the international mixed-race couples procreation thing is like when you were a kid trick or treating, and the lady had a bag of assorted candy, most of it the hard and cheap stuff, you know, cinnamon disks, those gross fruit-shaped jelly filled abominations, and everything but the butterscotches, because the kids who came earlier picked those clean. But now, the lady throws in some high-quality snickers bars, almond joys, kit-kats, butterfingers, and other candies considered premium by young costumed sugarfreaks looking for a fix. Then, the lady decides to make it interesting by having you reach into the brown paper bag and grab; maybe you get a nice candy bar, maybe you are stuck with smarties, tootsie rolls, or a Halls cough drop.
Now: Well, Rayley is all of the candy bars, and a bag of chips.

Rayley comes home!

2008-07-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

I'm a new father, so of course I'm posting more pics of our new daughter, Rayley. When I have time to think of something else to post about, I will. Anyway, we brought Ellen and Rayley home today, and both are sound asleep as I write this. Everything is the same as it was before Sunday, except for the tiny little fact that I am now responsible for the well being and care of this little angel, and Ellen isn't complaining that the baby is hurting her from the inside.

I like it when they call me big Papa

2008-07-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

July 20th. A day that will forever go down in history. No, not because its the day man set foot on the moon, but because it is the day Rayley Mei Newcomer came into the world! With the web being the best way to communicate to Ellen's friends across the ocean, I was ordered to come home and post this ASAP. Ellen and Rayley are doing well, and resting. I apologize for no pictures of Ellen with the baby. All of the pictures we have of them both show some graphic latching..so I will try to post some of them together tomorrow. Here are the vitals:

Weight: 7 lbs, 2 oz...OR 3,231 grams
Length: 19 inches
Time of delivery: 12:10 PM, Pacific
Method of delivery: Caesarean.

Much thanks to the Hunt and Lewis families for staging the baby shower yesterday, it happened just in the nick of time!

-Trevor, Ellen, & Rayley

2008-07-15T23:10:00.001-07:00

Now that we are in the third trimester of pregnancy, Ellen has decided to resurrect her golf game. Here you can watch her swing. I wish we had an HD camera, so you could see the flight of the ball, but you'll have to settle for the thrill of watching a full term prego wonderwoman smack a golf ball 100 yards with a 9 iron. Meanwhile, I, with my budding golf game, just try to hit the ball without landing on the club and breaking it, falling over, or dislocating something from all the torque on my knees. Oh, I also bake things in my spare time, which is a lot right now, since I am "in between jobs" at the moment. Pineapple upside down cake is my favorite, and I made this one on Sunday. I know this is a quick post, but I just wanted to show Ellen's athletic talents off.

Japan Trip 2007

2008-07-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

Pics of our trip to Japan last year are finally posted. Click on the picture to see.

Japan 2007

Marriage is Bliss!

2008-07-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

Ellen and I attended the summer stock (known as "Musical Circus" here in Sac) production of "The Sound of Music" last night. After seeing 4 shows on Broadway, we were actually quite impressed, and a member of our ward was conducting the music, to our surprise. After seeing the show, I started thinking back to my days as a single man in Provo and Afton, Wyoming, when I was trying to find a wife. What a difference marriage makes.

When I was single, I would be kinda nervous before a date, especially if it was a first date. "What will she be like? Is she going to have an engaging personality, a sense of humor, and look phi-phi-fine, or will she have the personality of a rock? Will she appreciate my sense of humor, my awesome 1982 Corolla, my well-rounded frame?"

Then, of course, you had to worry about how much you should spend on a date. "Is this girl worth taking to the Cougs v. Utes football game, or is she going to care more about cute Cosmo than what's happening between the hash marks? Do I like this girl enough to take her to "Les Miserables?"

While I was thinking about all of this, an overwhelming feeling of gratitude came over me. Now, being married to my sweetheart Ellen, I have no such worries. I know what she likes, I know she thinks I am a total studmuffin, I think she is phi-phi-fine, and even finer as a pregnant princess, she loves musicals, is worth taking to whatever I can afford to take her to, and I know at the end of a night out, we don't have to end with some awkward kiss goodnight, or a lousy makeout session with no natural ending. Being married to Ellen is something I just don't want to ever take for granted. I'm so glad we can go do things whenever, wherever we decide to do them, and have great experiences the whole time. Thanks babe!

Our trip to D.C. and N.Y.

2008-07-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

People keep bugging us to put up some pics from our trip to the East side, so here are some for your viewing pleasure. Just click on the photo to be taken away to pictureland.

NY & DC trip 2008

Ellen moment of the week

2008-07-03T02:18:00.000-07:00

So, a quick post about something that just happened. Ellen and I just finished reading the scriptures, and I was checking my email for today, when all of a sudden I hear Ellen singing some strange melody with very poetic lyrics. I turn to look at her, and she says "well, it's called the Songs of Solomon, so I thought you need to sing it."

Brother, can you spare $20, $40, or another multiple of $20 from your checking account?

2008-06-28T11:59:00.001-07:00

Just a quick post about the ever-increasing sophistication used by those people formerly known as "bums" but whom I will now give proper respect by referring to them as "Geniuses in the art of panhandling" or "Gips" (pronounced "jip")for short.

My bro Ryno was in D.C. a few weeks back, and, being from Utah Valley where there aren't so many gips, he was unprepared for the assault. Walking back to his hotel one night, a pack of sophisticated Gips approached him. (I am seeing some pack of hyenas chasing a lame zebra in my head right now). One asked Ryno "Do you have a couple of bucks I can use?" to which Ryno foolishly replied "I don't have any cash on me right now." The gip simply pointed to the ATM machine nearby, and informed Ryno how he could go ahead and pull cash out right there for him. Ryno actually obliged, forever bringing shame upon himself. Anyhow, Ryno developed a pretty effective technique for dealing with gips the next time. He will simply use their own ploy back at them. Next time someone asks him for some cash, he will reply "Gosh, my mother, father, and Dad are all in the hospital right now with scabies, and can't afford the cream they need to get rid of it. Can you spare some cash?" This usually makes the gip flee.

Hecka Stupid

2008-06-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, California is culturally divided into "So Cal" (Southern California) and "No-Cal" or "Nor-Cal" (Northern California. I think the dividing line is somewhere around Bakersfield, but as a transplant to the state, I'm not a respected authority on the subject). That being said, I wish to comment on an annoying phenomenon spreading around No-Cal: the use of the prefix "hecka" in front of another word. An example is "hecka delicious." Apparently, "hecka" is a sanitized version of "hella" itself a shortened version of "helluva" which itself is a condensed version of "hell of a." If you extrapolate the phrase "hecka delicious" it makes no sense. You wouldn't, for example, say "hell of a delicious" by itself, without some subject behind it. You could, for example, say that was one "hell of a delicious pie," although the person who baked the pie might feel awkward at hearing that. Still, it would make more sense that just saying, after eating the pie, "hecka delicious."

Now, where I'm from, the word "hell" is one of the low-dose cuss words. If the F-word was Oxycotin or Vicodin, "hell" is more of children's Tylenol, candy coated or something. Thus, there really is no need for the use of "hecka." In fact, the acceptance of "hecka" into the vernacular of children up here in No-Cal could actually be detrimental to their vocabularies. Just as marijuana is a gateway drug to stronger more potent narcotics, the use of "hecka" can equally lead to the use of "fetchin," "freakin," or "shiz," which everyone knows are only a few letters off from the really bad words. I actually have a brother who has mastered the intricate uses of all the nearly cuss words. He can use beeotch, ace-hole, fetchin, freakin, shiz, shiz-nit, and any other combination of "almost said it but I didn't" swear words to get his point across. Of course, once in a while a real word can slip out, but then he can say "I was trying to say shiz, but it came out wrong."

Anyway, I get a little annoyed every time I hear hecka, or hella, for that matter. Then I remembered the words I said ad nauseam when I was a child. I used to say "dud" all the time. Examples: "Kory can't hit a baseball very far, he is a dud." "The Cubs stink, they are duds."

"John, you are a dude without the e." (I thought that was so clever). Imagine how perplexed we were when we lit a firecracker that wouldn't explode. We didn't know what to call it. We had no idea that "dud" is the proper term.

I used to say "fag" like it was a term of endearment. "Jake is one smart little fag" or "Man, did you see Dave? Dude, that fag is fast!" I had no idea what the word fag actually meant. Sorry to all the guys I called fags when I was little. Hopefully, the label didn't stick. I'm hecka sorry.

The Elder Brother's Influence

2008-06-25T16:50:00.000-07:00

I was the oldest in my family, and for most of the time I was growing up, I had 3 younger brothers who followed me around and copied everything I did. This past week, I had a most interesting experience that manifested to me how much that influence continues to this day.

A few weeks back, my younger brother "RJ" (I want to protect his identity) came out to Sacramento for an exam he needed to take for his job. He stayed with us for a couple of days, and I decided to copy all of the stuff from his Ipod. Yesterday, I decided to play "25 most played songs" on my Ipod, which included the songs RJ most often played on his. Here is the list of songs as they played, and how he got interested in them.

1. "A Little Respect"-Erasure. I got into Erasure in the early 90's when I was on a Euro-pop/"they might be gay but their music is good" kick. RJ definitely never heard of Erasure before he stole one of my CDs.

2. "Por Ti Volare"-Andrea Bocelli. This didn't come from me. My guess it RJ got it from a woman, most likely his wife.

3. "Crash"-D.M.B. I can't take credit for this one, as it was on the radio quite a bit when RJ was in that high school graduation phase of his life.

4. "Freak on a Leash"-Korn. I never liked Korn. I think the name of the band is stupid, and they aren't that great of a band. Just because they had a video with a bullet going through crap doesn't make them a good band. RJ probably likes them because a bunch of his friends like them.

5. "The Scientist"-Coldplay. This is one of my favorite Coldplay songs, and its from my favorite Coldplay album "A Rush of Blood to the Head." I distinctly remember telling RJ about this great song I had stuck in my head, and then playing this song for him in my car. Your welcome, bro.

6. "Bridge Over Troubled Water"-Simon & Garfunkel. Simon & Garfunkel were always playing downstairs in my bedroom (next to RJ's) growing up, and he quickly fell in love with their musical genius. This song is actually way played out, but hearing it on my Ipod after so many years brought back some good ol memories.

7. "If At First You Don't Succeed"-Aalyah. Definitely not from me. However, RJ and me have always been connected to R&B and Hip-Hop, ever since we was educated on the streets of Bloomington, eye-el, and started a freestyle rapping partnership that continues to this day. We cannot ride in a car together without busting out a couple of rhymes. This song here is a good choice, bro. Some nice funky beats and cool, catchy hooks.

8. "Wounded Knee"-Primus. I never got into Primus. Blame it on this weird "why should I have to shave my armpits if guys don't" girls I worked with back at Dairy Queen who spent lots of money on flannel shirts and long johns in order to look poor on purpose, and to fit in with the grungy crowds she was hanging with. She always was yapping about Primus and "Sailing the Seas of Cheese" and for that reason alone, I never wanted to listen to them.

9. "Starry Eyed Surprise"-Paul Oakenfold. You know this song, the one with "Dance all night, dance all night to this D.J." in the chorus. Its alright, but it didn't make it into RJ's collection through my influence.

10. "Wishin' and Hopin"-Ani DiFranko. Um, someone just flunked the litmus test for heterosexuality. Seriously, thats a song you listen to when and only when your with your wife, just after finishing a chick flick in order to keep things on the up and up.

11. "Somebody"-Depeche Mode. Ok, seriously, I am getting a little disturbed. Sure, I like a lot of Depeche Mode, as any LDS guy who was alive during the late 80's early 90's and didn't have long hair and watch "Headbanger's Ball" can admit to. However, "Somebody" is one of those songs I just love to hate. Its for girls to like. A few weeks back, a couple of my guy friends sang every line of the song, in tune and with proper dynamics. A little awkward and disturbing. RJ, please tell me your wife listens to your Ipod a lot and thats why this song made the top 25 list.

12. "Defying Gravity"-Wicked. I own the CD. Yeah, I know its ironic I make fun of "Somebody" but own Broadway Musical CDs. I'm not sure if I influenced this, since I'm sure my other brother RF is going to claim he knew this music way before I did and got RJ turned onto it.

13. "The Prayer"-Celine Dion. NOT INFLUENCED BY TREVOR.

14. "Como Dueles En Los Lablos"-Mana. This is a song RJ likes because its a Mexian group, and guess where RJ served his mission? Yep, Mexico. All RMs bring back a CD or two of the pop bands from their country. Kinda stinks if you serve stateside. "I got this cool CD from Wal-Mart on my last P-day. Some band called Snow Patrol. They have a cool sound."

15. "Forever Live and Die"-O.M.D. This is totally Trevor influenced. I remember listening to this song in my 1975 Volvo 244 D.L. tank on wheels, with my portable CD player that hooked into the cassette player with the wired tape. I thought I was so cool because the CD player had a little remote I velcro'd onto the steering column. See, it was so difficult to reach another 6 inches down to where the actual CD player was to change the buttons. It was much easier to take the remote off the steering column, feel the buttons with my fingers, then hit "forward skip" or "reverse skip." Besides, I know I looked so cool doing that, making sure everyone could see I was holding a CD player remote in my hand as a drove with my value meal in my lap, a few fries dangling from my lips.

16. "Mrs. Robinson"-Simon & Garfunkel. See above.

17. "Cecilia." Simon & Garfunkel. So RJ apparently still likes S&G. Makes me feel guilty for playing their music over and over again during RJ's young formative years.

18-25. A bunch of songs by the rock band "Rush." RJ is a drummer, and there is some unwritten rule that, if you're a drummer, you need to like Rush, because Rush has the best rock drummer on the planet, Neil Peart. RJ likes them because they have intricate beats and rythms that only people with a higher musical IQ care about. I never liked RUSH that much, so I didn't influence this songs.

Final Analysis: My bro has a strong Simon & Garfunkel fetish and a few synthesizer pop songs that he definitely picked up from me. The sad part is, we all have a love of Air Supply, Neil Diamond, and Elton John from our parents. It is kind of sad when people laugh at Air Supply songs, cause deep inside, we just love 'em.

My African Princess

2008-06-14T00:45:00.000-07:00

No, I didn't become a member of the FLDS and find wife #2 in sub-Saharan Africa. However, we did find an African clothing stand at a D.C. fleamarket a few weeks back, where Ellen purchased a mumu type dress. It is comfortable for her 31 weeks prego body. I'm not sure why she decided to hold the bananas though. Watch out Chiquita-girl, you might be replaced by a Taiwanese banana toting pregnant gal in an African frock from Mali. Whenever Ellen appears in front of me wearing this dress, I can't help but hear the first few bars of the "Lion King" theme song, you know, the sun rising above the Serengeti part.

Undaunted Courage: The Story of a Man and His Battle With a Buffet Server

2008-06-13T23:39:00.000-07:00

America is the land of the smorgasbord. Wherever you turn, you can find a buffet. And here, a buffet means your supposed to eat as much as you want. I can actually remember my first experience with a buffet. I believe it was in Grants Pass, Oregon, when I was five years old, moving with my family from Benton City, Washington to Bloomington, Illinois. Not to bore you with details, but I remember the beef ribs like it was yesterday. I'm sure they really weren't anything great, but those saucy meaty morsels of cowflesh really tasted wonderful. I think I pounded at least 4 or 5 of those things, and that was as a five year old. Little did I know back then that my love for the all-you-can-eat buffet would only grow stronger.

Somewhere in the 80's, we were driving through Missouri, and stopped at a place called Duff's. It was a redneck's paradise kind of place. Stale nacho chips with cheap cheese sauce, a "taco" bar with some ground beef and the same cheap sauce; self-serve soda (this was not as common in the 80's) and ice cream. I was in gastro-paradise. I didn't know we were eating crap on a plate; I downed that chow like it was my last meal before a Ghandiesque fast for peace. Thus, that meal and the making of "suicide" sodas, and downing plenty of ice cream to polish it all off, are still burned in my memory.

Now in my 30's, I am showing the scars of my love for the steam tables. Actually, they are not scars, but some stretch marks undoubtedly aided by the multiple-course feedings I am so fond of. I think my size is sometimes threatening to a restaurant. This brings me to the point of today's post: The rude waitress at the Chinese/Japanese (that means a bunch of Chinese wearing Kimonos pretending to be Japanese) Buffet we visited this past week.

The waitress, I'll call her "Kiki" for the purposes of this post, first sat us at a table in the middle of the room, then went to some other waitresses standing in the corner. I noticed Kiki whisper to them, then all of them look at me and giggle. Then they started chattering back in forth, possibly placing bets on how many plates I would consume. Kiki looked like she would try and beat the over/under by ending my dining prematurely. Little did she or the rest of them know that my competitive nature, pride, and experience were going to foil any attempts at curbing my zeal for zucchini, passion for potstickers, and desire for oriental delicacies.

Kiki's first move: The Staredown
Kiki looked at me with her squinty eyes and thought that her sneery stare would stop my sojourns to the sushi pile, but it would take more than mere looks to thwart my mission:making sure I ate at least $14.95 (the value of admissions) worth of food.

Kiki's next maneuver: Utensil Removal
Kiki started making not-so-subtle hints that I should quit my consumption. First she took plates, and at one point, actually put my fork on the plate before removing it. Another time, she went for my chopsticks. I thought about going to my trusty index and forefinger, always there, always ready to grab, but instead located the chopstick jar and grabbed another pair. Try harder, Kiki!

Kiki's final attempt: Fortune-cookies
Maybe you've experienced this at a buffet before, where you've done maybe two, at the most three trips, and all of a sudden your check, some mints or candies, and some fortune cookies are on your table. The receipt has "thank you" scrawled upon it, suggesting you've had all you can eat. Kiki wrongly assumed that my 10 minutes of inactivity meant that I was finished. Silly server, tricks are for kids, and no fortune cookie & receipt combination is going to knock this boxer out of his fight. Besides, the NBA finals were on the big screen above us, and if they wanted us to leave, they shouldn't have the game on.

I lost count of how many trips I made, but I was satisfied at the end. Kiki should have known better; If a large man with an Asian wife comes into your restaurant, and he knows how to hold the chopsticks, he is going to get his money's worth.

Saturday in the Park

2008-05-25T04:58:00.000-07:00

Quick advice: When your wife is pregnant, tired, and hungry, its important that all communication is clear and understood.

Setting: Washington, D.C.
Characters: The Newcomers. 28 weeks pregnant Taiwanese woman and 32 year old "looks pregnant" male.

Scenario: Pregnant wife, tired and hungry, tells husband she really wants to see the National Mall area. Couple then walk a while to get to the mall. Once arriving at the famed green lawn that stretches from the Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial, wife asks "where is the mall?" Husband says "Baby, your looking at it, isn't this awesome?" to which wife disappointingly says "but I thought it was a mall, with air conditioning, bathrooms, and a food court." Wife is not amused.

Somethings Fishy

2008-05-25T04:34:00.000-07:00

Ellen and I have spent the past few days in Washington, D.C., and it has been great meeting up with old friends from BYU and seeing some of the sights out here. Despite being in the American Capitol City, we have managed to eat in Chinatown twice, at Chinese restaurants. Thus, wherever the chance presents itself, Ellen will forgo whatever famous or noteworthy restaurants happen to be in town in order to procure her fave: fried noodles/fried rice and roasted duck. That is what we chowed down the first trip to Chinatown, for lunch. Later the same night, we made our way back to Chinatown and found a dumpy place crowded with Chinese. As we sat down, Ellen spied a fish tank, and instantly felt the urge to eat one. She starts excitedly pointing to the tank and saying stuff in Mandarin, and the next thing I know some poor cook comes out, and for 5 minutes struggles to get one of these flopping, splashing and thrashing fish into his net. Finally, the fish is netted and quickly placed into a bucket, and hauled behind the kitchen door. A few moments later, I hear some loud pounding noises and Ellen explains "he is killing the fish for us!" all the while smiling with anticipation of the finned finale to our day. A few minutes later, the steamed fish is on our table, and Ellen tears into it like a fat kid tears into a Snickers bar, or like I tear into a snickers bar...The strangest part was, while we were eating our scaled steak of the seas, all the fish in the tank were bunched in the corner, staring at us. We both had this sense of shame. I'm telling you, it is just this strange emotion eating a fish while 6 or 7 other fish, that moments ago were frolicking in the frothy tank with their brother, are now watching him being picked apart with chopsticks. I'm just thinking about the fact that Ellen loved the D.C. Chinatown, which PALES in comparison to the Chinatown in NYC. Does this mean we will eat 90% of our meals with chopsticks in NYC too? This isn't fair-I mean, when we go to Taiwan, there isn't some "Ameritown" I can go to and get good burgers, steaks, french fries, pizza, nachos, and other American fare. Yet, anytime we hit a big city here in America, we pretend we are in China. Nice.

My first re-written post.

2008-05-09T02:05:00.000-07:00

(This has been changed from the original. I wish to explain before you read, that I do not in fact believe that ALL members of various groups and races mentioned below are a certain way. I do wish to state, however, that stereotypes exist for a reason. I hope people find my posts below humorous rather than offensive. We will never get along if we can't laugh at each other, right? )

I am studying for finals right now, which is why there have been no posts lately. I suggest pondering these questions to amuse yourself in the time being:

1. Why do church-based fundraisers (YW especially) often involve me paying $10.00 or $15.00 for something totally crappy that looks like it was produced by the cub scouts w/o supervision? (Thanks for the inspiration Dan & Janay)

2. Why doesn't my body warn me that my aim might be off before I take a whiz in the morning? Seriously, some kind of signal would be nice before the damage is done once in a while. (This might be TMI, but its 2 AM and this is my break from studying, so cut me some stinkin slack)

3. Why did I wait until I had a big flabby gut before I decided to take up golfing? Try swinging a club with your arms almost perpendicular to your chest. It ain't easy.

4. Why in the world do Ellen and I never eat at a buffet except on days we visit the dentist? The past few weeks, we went twice, and both times I was sitting there trying to shove lo-mein into my half-numb mouth. Noodles spilling out, and kids are staring at me wondering why its backwards. "Mommy, how come noodles are coming out of that man's mouth? They are supposed to go inside, not come out!"(hmmm, does post #4 somehow relate to the problems experienced in post #3? seriously, am I so hungry that I'm willing to go to a buffet with no feeling of my tongue or the entire left side of my mouth?)

5. Why do I still use a freakin PC? I am so ready to convert to MAC its not even funny. I've had to reinstall 3 pieces of software, run malicious software removal tools, spybot, re-boot, etc. Those commercials with the suit-wearing guy with issues and the easy going cool guy are really starting to make sense. Any MAC converts feel free to post about how your Mac is so much better than my PC, so I can convince Ellen to let me get a Mac.

6. How have men managed to rule the world? Observe: In Ellen's primary class, the 10 year old girls read really well, know where to find scriptures, and seem to be really observant of the happenings around them. The boys, on the other hand, fight over who is the better belcher, don't know which end of the quad the BoM is in, and are totally oblivious to the fact that the girls are running circles around them intellectually and spiritually.

Fast forward to missionary life: Elders (some Elders) talk about the top ten greatest rock bands of all time, top ten best movies, top ten best Super Bowl winners, the best slice of pizza they ever had, whose gf , past or present, is the hottest, and even which women in the area are "temptations" for them. Sisters (most) talk about how they are going to meet all of their investigators with only 6.5 days a week to do it, how best to serve the less active, where to buy the cheapest ingredients to make cookies for people, and how to be humble at district meeting every week while the cocky Elder exercises authority over them.

Now jump to married life. Who is the one who is organized, keeps things running, makes sure everyone needs are met? Who knows how to make things look nice, and never has problems with pants being stuck in their socks? It boggles my mind that men still rule the world.

7. The original posting here was removed do to its offensive content, but a summary is here:

A. Mexican handyman begs Trevor for some work while at church; housing construction is down and its hard for him to make ends meet.

B. Trevor, feeling a little sorry about the situation, calls the man the next day and offers him the job of painting a section of fence and nailing down some pipes in the attic, since Trevor can't fit up in the attic too easily. Handyman promises to do the work on Wednesday morning, 8:00 A.M. sharp. Handyman then calls back and says he must speak to Trevor immediately. He comes over and asks for full payment up front, because he needs gas money and things are really tight. Trevor then drives over to the bank, withdraws cash, and pays Handyman right there in the parking lot. Handyman promises to get the work done first thing tomorrow (Wednesday). When Trevor tells his wife what happened she says "My friend told me you can't trust the Mexican worker to do the work if you pay them first; they always make excuses and take a long time to do it." Trevor then tells Ellen how horrible it is to think that way about people, and just because they are from Mexico doesn't mean they are lazy.

C. Trevor wakes up Wednesday morning, and waits, but Handyman never shows up. Trevor calls and leaves a message, but the call is never returned.

D. On Thursday mid-day, Handyman calls and says "something came up, so I couldn't get over to your place. I will be there this afternoon." Trevor again waits for Handyman to arrive. He never does.

E. On Friday morning, Handyman calls Trevor and tells him how he can't do the work until Monday. Trevor gets angry. Trevor tells Handyman that he can't trust him to do any work in the future, won't ever refer him to friends, and has to really try hard to convince his wife that certain stereotypes about Handyman aren't true. Trevor also explains that they had contract, and Handyman was in breach of the contract (legal jargon always works) and if he didn't perform by Monday, Trevor could take things to court. This apparently scared Handyman into working.

F. Handyman finally shows up Monday morning, paints the fence, but gives up working on the pipes after 10 minutes because he can't reach the problem due to a AC duct being in the way. Trevor points out that by walking another 10 feet in the attic, Handyman can get around the duct and reach the problem area. Handyman reluctantly gets back in the attic and finishes the work that he was already paid for.

G. Trevor feels stupid for paying up front, even though he did it because Handyman personally came over and asked him for help. Trevor decides to post about it, but does it in a sarcastic, offensive manner. Trevor thought it was hilarious, but some people didn't find it too funny.

H. Trevor will now offend everyone so all can feel equally dissed.

1. Americans are arrogant, cocky, gluttonous pigs who think they own the world.

2. Canadians are inexplicably proud of their maple leaf cloth they call a flag. What is that all "aboot?"

3. Mormons are self-righteous, judgmental and don't know when to stop having kids.

4. Catholic priests sometimes get "agape" and "eros" mixed up when they are with little boys.

5. Mexicans are (see above)

6. There is a reason Jews have their nationality verbalized. "I got jewed"

7. Russians drink way too much Vodka. That is why most kids grow up thinking that slurred and fumbled speech is Russian. In fact, it was just a drunk Russian taking incoherently, and not real Russian.

8. The English have some jacked-up teeth. So do the Japanese. I sometimes get puzzled as to how some people get pieces of candy or gum beyond that treachorous maze in their mouth. You can build robots that dance like humans but have teeth from 1750? What is up with that?

9. Don't sit next to an Indian man(the Qwik-E-Mart kind, not the firewater & feathers kind) on an international flight. No deodorant is a given, as is the week- old curry smell that lasts the entire flight. When the attendant asks you what you want for a meal, you feel like telling her "I already know what the curry tastes like, so I'll try the pasta."

Finally, Carlos Boozer can't stop a sloth. As a Jazz fan, I was hopeful that Booz would play up to All-star level in the playoffs, but the dude is magic on defense, cause he always vanishes right before his man goes to the hoop.

That's all for now.

Unique experiences with Ellen

2008-04-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

At the dentist office this week, the dentist asked Ellen if she had ever eaten dog (she never has) and Ellen replied: "Well, everyone knows that black dogs are the best, then yellow, then spotted, then white. The brown dogs are not as tasty." It is important to note that one of the dental assistants had her black poodle right there in the office. The dentist then explained that he lived in Japan for awhile when he was in the military. Ellen then said, in front of all the assistants "Did you ever start liking asian girls over there? Did you ever fall in love with asian girls?"

While reading from the BoM this morning, Ellen said "Oh good, there is a footprint for this word!" (footnote)

The past two mornings, I have woken up and fixed breakfast. This morning, Ellen got up and I could smell the eggs and bacon. I was getting really excited for a good breakfast, and was surprised to find this on the breakfast table:

Mmmm, breakfast spaghetti with yogurt drink! I know your all jealous!!

The hotness of a pregnant woman (when she is your wife)

2008-04-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, my friend Dan was explaining to me awhile back that when your wife is pregnant, they get this glow, and their is just this special hotness to them, which is above and beyond the usual levels of hotness you find in your wife.
Now I am experiencing it for myself. I just thought my honey was so dang cute today, and although she is at 23 weeks, she just has that sum'n sum'n that makes me smile!

Travel to Tahoe

2008-04-20T21:25:00.000-07:00

We took a quick trip to Lake Tahoe for the weekend, so here are some pics. Luckily for you, there aren't pics of me and Ellen in the swimming pool together, so you can't play "guess which one's pregnant?"

We got a good deal on the lodging: $84.00 for a room with a view, including unlimited access to heated pool, spa, indoor tennis, racquetball, and basketball. If we we wanted to ski, there was a gondola and high speed quad lift about a 5 minute walk from our room. It was all pretty nice.

Dinner: We ate at this mongolian barbecue joint called "Fire and Ice." I liked the concept, because you go to this raw bar and pick out your noodles, meats, veggies, and sauces, then some dudes cook it all up on a big grill. Ellen figured out real quickly how to load up three or four different dishes on the grill at one time, and then got the timing down to where she would finish one dish just as another was being done. I think both her and the baby got their fill. Heck, I gained 5 pounds just from smelling all the food Ellen was eating.

Nighttime Entertainment: After cruising around Tahoe and taking some pics, we settled in and Ellen crashed while I played and won a mean game of "Phase 10" with some friends that came with us, and some Japanese friends of theirs. Its always good to sharpen the Japanese skills....which are admittedly rusty.

Final thoughts: I thought it was a great little getaway, but we need to spend some more time there. We never ran into any hippies or granolas, everyone was outwardly oriented the way we prefer: ladies liking the gents and gents liking the ladies, we ate good and fairly cheap, and the natural beauty of the place is breathtakingly beautiful.

Rich kids and poor kids

2008-04-16T22:52:00.001-07:00

I was reflecting today on the modest upbringing I had, so I decided to list some of the differences between rich kids and poor kids in school. Now, I am not going for extremes..just the subtle differences. Also, "rich kids" as used below does not mean kids whose families actually had a lot of money, just kids whose parents spent more money on them.

Crayons
Rich kids always had the Crayola box of 64 with the "built in sharpener." I had K-mart waxy sticks, the kind that smeared on the paper in glops. The cool thing about the box of 64 was the semi-sparkly gold and silver crayons. Think the K-mart wax sticks had those colors? Heck no. I had to wait like a vulture, hoping a chunk of someone else's gold or silver crayon fell on the floor, then covertly snatch it up and drop it into one of the slots in my 8 pack that had a missing crayon. (I always got rid of brown because it looked poopy).

Lunch Boxes
Rich kids, if they didn't just pay for the hot lunches, always had the coolest lunch boxes, with cartoons or T.V. shows that were in prime time. Kids had B.A. Barakus or the Incredible Hulk or Knight Rider. I had a lunchbox picked up from a garage sale, so it was some show I never saw, like the 6 million dollar man or Kojak or something.

Lunch itself
Rich kids had hostess cupcakes, twinkies, and ALWAYS had a bag of frito lay chips. Rich kids had lunchables or slim jims, or cheese and crackers. Me, if I had chips, it was some generic brand, put into a ziploc bag. My hostess twinkie was usually an apple or an orange. No slim jims or cheese and crackers. Guaranteed I had a bologna sandwich, or if it was a good day, "cotto salami." You know, the spicy-looking lunchmeat. One benefit of being a poor kid is learning how to trade, although it was unfair trade. I felt like Bangladesh trying to trade with the U.S. "Um, I'll give you all of my generic chips plus my orange for one half of your hostess cupcake. Ok, you can scoop the filling out before I get it too."

Birthday presents
Rich kids got Nintendo games, Transformers. I got practical gifts, like socks, a coat, or mittens. Hey, aren't kids supposed to get those things anyway??

Shoes
Rich kids got Nikes. My nickname for most of my elementary school years was "Pro-Wings." Never heard of them? They were a payless shoe source brand who tried to be Pony, Puma, or Converse. I would have been happy with those brands, but I wore Pro-Wings like I had an endorsement deal with them. When I finally bought my first pair of Nike's, I rode my bike all the way across town, paid most of my paper route savings for them, then felt guilty about it for months, trying to conceal my extravagant purchase from my family for as long as I could. I still feel guilty about it. Still, it was worth not being called "Pro-Wings."

Television
Rich kids have a T.V. in their room. We had a family T.V., which always had a problem of one kind or another. We had one particular T.V. that, at random, wouldn't turn on, so you had to wait 30 minutes, or if someone messed up and tried to turn it on before waiting 30 minutes, an hour wait. How many countless hours were wasted in frustration waiting for that darn T.V. to turn on.

Eating out
Rich kids eat at all kinds of restaurants, and frequently. When we ate at a restaurant, it meant we were on the road traveling and someone forgot to pack a cooler of food (see lunch topic above), or it was my birthday, or we accomplished some major family goal, which reward was eating at a restaurant. Seriously, rich kids get sick of going to McDonalds. I can count how many times we went to McDonald's growing up on one hand. (If you see me today, you realize I have more than made up for missing out on Mickey D's as a youth).

Now, in all honesty, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Raising 6 kids is a financial burden for sure, and we were able to see most of the western U.S. on vacations, went camping a lot, went to parks and had picnics all the time. I was always proud that when we went on vacation, we actually crossed the Mississsippi river (I grew up in Illinois). I always felt sorry for the kids who went to Decatur to see their grandma, or went all the way to Chicago (a 2 hour drive) to see relatives. I had a Dad who played catch with me and my brothers in the backyard, a mom who took us to the library and made up fun activities for us, and parents who really let us use our imaginations and creativity. Can't complain about that at all. Plus, wearing Pro-Wings and eating bologna sandwiches for lunch built character.

Chicken Soup for Someone's Jacked-up Soul!

2008-04-15T23:34:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the second food-related post, but I just couldn't pass up the chance to show you the soup my beloved was CRAVING today. I have learned over the 2 years of marriage that when she says she is making something, I cannot rely on standard pictures or concepts of what something is. (See the post regarding bread below). So, when she said she was going to make chicken soup, I knew it would be different from my mama's cold-fixing heart-warming noodle-laden bowls of chickeny goodness. If your interested, I'm sure she would be willing to send you the recipe. Make sure you can find a lot of chicken feet first though!

The big let-down

2008-04-13T16:58:00.000-07:00

One morning last week, Ellen proclaimed that she was going to bake some home-made bread. I haven't had good homemade bread for at least 5 years or so, and I was surprised and excited to hear that my sweetheart was about to engage in the mixing, kneading, waiting, punching, waiting, punching, shaping, and baking required to make good bread. I patiently waited throughout the day for the unmistakable pleasure on the palate that is warm buttered white bread. When the nostalgic smell of baking bread hit my nostrils, my stomach leaped with joy (this is actually visible to the naked eye) although I am not great with child. Finally, Ellen shouted "Trev, come have some bread!" and I rushed to the kitchen. Then, with shock and horror, I gazed upon these little round mounds of yeasty tragedy: The blobs on the left are topped with chopped green onion (naturally) and the blobs on the right are topped with mayonnaise and bits of ham/bacon (of course!) I was so dissappointed in my nose, since it had been telling me for at least 40 minutes that 2 loaves of wonderful white were baking in the oven. Not once did my snouser detect the smell of onion, ham, or mayonnaise. Ellen couldn't understand why I looked so underwhelmed. After all, who doesn't loved hot baked mayonnaise?? Anyway, I'm working on teaching my wife the difference between American bread and whatever those abominations in the picture are called in Taiwan.

Daddy's little little little girl

2008-04-01T00:28:00.000-07:00

So today was one of those small but significant milestones for us, the 20 week ultrasound. After a failed pregnancy last year that was tough for us to go through, it looks like life is forming on schedule, and our little one is making progress. Although I was personally hoping for a boy, the technician had a clear shot of the pelvis..and no equipment was visibly present. By default, that means our baby is a lady, not a gent. We are listing our favorite names, and as of today, here are the top three: Broomhilda, Bertha, and Helga. Personally, I really like Broomhilda, a three-syllable name with that extra long "broom" part. SWEEEET. Actually, our favorite name at this time is Raley (like the CA grocery chain). We are considering several spellings: Raley, Reili, Raylee, Reyli, Rayli, Rayleigh, etc. Please vote!

Glad to be a Jazz fan

2008-03-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

Living here in Sacramento, I only get the chance to see the Jazz play once or twice a year. On top of that, I have to deal with Kings fans all the time. Some friends of mine are even known to dress their toddlers and infants up in the purple poop known as Kings gear. Then there is Ellen, who is kind of a "cooler" of sorts. If she watches a game live with me, whoever we root for inevitably loses. I'm wondering if I need to make her a fan of the opposing teams, and see if that somehow helps mine. Anyway, today I saw something that makes me glad to be a Jazz fan. I'll try to convince Ellen now that attending at least "one or two" games a month is perfectly fine.

Political Differences

2008-03-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

I am finally getting around to posting some pics from travels we have made to Japan and Taiwan. These pics here are from what was formerly called the "Chang Kai Shek Memorial Hall." I say formerly because as these pics show, not everyone respects the memory of Chang Kai-Shek. Ellen had not been to the hall since her teenage years, and said she was somewhat shocked to see it now. Under the KMT or Koumingtan political party, Taiwan maintained close ties to China and avoided strong movement towards independence. In 2000, a more pro-independence party, the Green Party, won the general presidential election, and won again in 2004. With the public becoming more and more dissatisfied with the Green Party, it is almost a foregone conclusion that the KMT will once again gain executive power in Taiwan. Thus, the Green party is trying to do whatever it can to destroy KMT's most famous leader Chang Kai Shek's legacy, before the KMT is back in power. Ellen can tell you the history better than I ever could. Anyway, now the statue has some interesting mediocre artwork sharing space with it.

More tag stuff

2008-03-03T01:05:00.000-08:00

1. What were you doing 10 years ago??

I was 22, just off the mission, living in Hope Mills North Carolina, and working at a brand new Japanese restaurant called "Kyoto Express." I seriously got the job because I was such a Japan-freak at that time and was willing to do anything to speak Japanese.

2. 5 things on my to-do list today

Um, I have one thing...try to start using "to-do" lists.

3. 5 snacks I enjoy

The 90-100 calorie Quaker granola bars from Costco. Key Lime Pie Yoplait. Spitz sunflower seeds, dill pickle or spicy. Almonds or Cashews. Is a quarter pounder with cheese a snack??

4. 3 Bad habits

1. Not keeping the office clean

2. Not knowing when or where to draw the line when I'm telling a joke.

3. Procrastinating everything

4. Eating "just for the taste of it" instead of because I'm actually hungry

5. Not posting on this blog enough

5. What would you do if you were instantly a billionare??

Buy a ton of homes/apartments, renovate them, then offer them to low income families and make the state guarantee rental payments to me. Lease cars to people who cannot afford to buy one for around $150.00-200.00/month. Learn to play golf. Buy a Gulfstream V corporate Jet, and travel with the Hunts to various world destinations!

6. 5 places I have lived

1. Tri-Cities, Washington; Nakano, Tokyo, Japan; Afton, Wyoming; Dearborn, Michigan; Port Imperial, West New York, New Jersey.

The San Francisco We Didn't Want to See

2008-03-03T00:35:00.000-08:00

So, last weekend, Ellen and I went to see this big Chinese New Year parade, touted as the largest one outside of China or Taiwan. Ellen was excited to help celebrate the Lunar New Year, as it is the biggest holiday in her culture. I purchased special bleacher seats, just to make sure we had a view....well, what we got to see was much different than I had planned. This float on the right was for the "Gay Asian Pacific Alliance." Ellen and I felt strange being the only ones not cheering wildly for this float. I thought "maybe the Provo Freedom Festival Parade would have been a better one to take Ellen to for her first American parade experience." The other float that was interesting to see was for San Francisco's "official" band, the "Rainbow Band of Unity" or something like that. I wish I had a pic of the leader, some dude with a happy er..gay smile twirling a baton and looking like he wished he was tinkerbell. We've got to find a battery charger for our camera so we can get better pics! Anyway, Ellen asked a lot of questions about various groups in the parade that I wasn't prepared to really answer that night. I think the next time we celebrate Chinese New Year, we will do it in Taiwan.

The embarrassing proof

2008-02-27T22:32:00.000-08:00

I don't have much time to write at this moment, but I discovered through an old buddy of mine, Kyle D in Utah, that there is an old recording of me and some wannabe rapper freestylin. MY younger brother Ryan (Ryno to those in the know) provided the beats to my madness when I was creating lyrical masterpieces in real time, no rehearsin, no cursin. I tried to beatbox, but I can't hold a candle to Ryno. Anyway, you can see it here. I'm the big guy spitting in the microphone and bustin out with the freestyle rhymin. For all you haters that don't believe the hype, this homey really rocked the mike back in the day! PEACE OUT!
Ryno, you got any vids of you beatboxing for F-line party's or anything? I'll never forget the "Intergalactic Planetary" you pulled off at BYU that one time...

Iroiro (means "various" in Japanese)

2008-02-17T08:24:00.000-08:00

1) MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT:
Currently: anytime I try to sit down in Economy Class on an Asian airline.
Previously: There are so many, that I can't think of just one that stands out. Here are some memorable ones...
Darth Vader-when I was around 4 or 5, my Dad picked up this cheapy Darth Vader Halloween costume at a garage sale sometime in the Spring. I decided to try it on, black cape and all, but without my underpants. I decided to show the junior high girls softball team next door my awesome costume, and unfortunately, showed them my little lightsaber too.

Baptisms-I had a good number of stuffed animals, and after learning about Baptism in Sunday School, decided they needed to take that first step towards exaltation. Our bathtub became the font, and I proceeded to immerse all of them!

2) FAVORITE FOODS
Pizza, especially NY style; Katsudon; fresh sushi from the Tokyo Tsukiji Market; Ellen's potstickers; Gyros; Aunt Cheryl's Popovers; real kuromiso (red miso) ramen; Sendai Japan Beef Tongue!

3) FAVORITE VACATIONS:

Visiting the mountains (especially Jackson Hole/Yellowstone); Kyoto, Japan; Meinong, Taiwan; NYC (but I haven't been in awhile); Seattle (love Pike's and the aquarium district); Anywhere BYU is playing (except Laramie or Ft. Collins);

4) FAVORITE TV SHOWS:
American Idol; Friday Night Lights (the best acted show on T.V.); Ninja Warrior; Survivorman; Paula Deen on Food Network;

5)THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME:
I am a freestyle rapper; I don't drink white milk, EVER, but I love chocolate milk; I have participated in a midnight drug raid; I have wandered along 8-mile road in Detroit, rapping, and I am not Eminem; I once hosted a sports show on a little known A.M. radio station in Provo.

ANYONE READING THIS WHO HAS NOT ANSWERED THESE QUESTIONS IS NOW TAGGED!

The Valentine's Day Dialogue

2008-02-16T22:30:00.000-08:00

One of the joys of being married to a non-native English speaker is the various unique turns of phrase that emanate from my sweetheart's mouth. For Valentines day, I had flowers delivered to the house. Ellen had been asking for weeks if I was going to get her anything, and of course I told her "I am definitely not getting flowers, that is so overrated and overdone. I'll make sure you get something different and unique." Upon hearing that, Ellen became more and more worried that my creative mind would get her something completely awful, a direct-to-D.I. kind of present or something. So, when Valentine's day came, she pretty much assumed she was getting nothing. When the flowers came, she was caught off guard, and didn't know what to do for me. She thought for a minute, then rushed together my gift. When I got home, she had just finished it: freshly baked banana muffins. That was great in and of itself, but the cute part was the note written on the fridge: "Happy Valentine's Day. Please pretent the mufens are heart shape." My heart melted when I read that.

Ugly baby anxiety

2008-02-05T17:56:00.000-08:00

So yesterday we went to the Doc to have Ellen's prenatal visit. She had the basic blood panel done yesterday, and we got to hear the heartbeat for the first time (that was really neat). We wonder if we ought to plunk down the $25.00 or so and get one of those home fetal heartbeat monitors. Anyway, while walking down the hall towards the doctors office, we pass a international couple like ourselves, white American husband, Asian wife, and the baby was not so cute. Like, make you stop in your tracks and pause kind of face, and not for a good reason. This sight made me start to feel a little concern about the gene pool wonder that will be our little one. It seems to be hit and miss with mixed race couples: some kids are cute and beautiful, other kids look more like freaks, and I am trying to be nice here. Now that I've posted this, I feel like I've jinxed our own future kid. I better say something nice next time.

Unexpected Tears

2008-02-03T00:05:00.001-08:00

Today I decided to watch the funeral of President Gordon B. Hinckley. I remember the past three funerals of prophets, Spencer W. Kimball, Ezra Taft Benson, and Howard W. Hunter. When I saw those funerals, I never shed a tear or got too emotional. I was more curious of how a new prophet would be called. This morning, however, I was overcome with emotion as I thought about the life, example, and spirit of President Hinckley. He is the General Authority I have been in the midst of the most. From the Chicago Temple dedication in the early 80s to regional conferences in Peoria, Illinois and Greenville, North Carolina, and Tokyo, Japan; MTC devotionals, BYU devotionals, Live sessions of General Conference, I have had the privilege of being in his midst. I will never forget when I was a freshly called missionary in the MTC, and there was a special first presidency broadcast to all the MTCs in North and South America, originating from the Provo MTC. President Monson, President Faust, and President Hinckley all spoke, and you felt the amazing love those three men had for each other. I felt so confident in the leadership of the church, knowing that President Hinckley was first in command under the helm of the Savior himself.
This morning, as I watched the casket being taken from the conference center to the burial site, I felt so thankful for this remarkable man, for his tireless work on behalf of saints around the world, and his humor, humility, and genius in orchestrating the largest period of growth the church has ever experienced. I hope that some day I can be in his midst again.

Making Prisoners Productive

2008-02-02T23:37:00.000-08:00

FYI, I work at a small law firm which counts many of California's penal institution "guests" as its clients. In learning about what really goes on within the prisons here, I was totally amazed to see the talent being truly utilized by a prison in the Philippines. HERE is a video of them, if you haven't seen it yet. A wonderful imitation of MJ's "Thriller" complete with a 'queen' playing the female role.

My 11Favorite things/thankful things

2008-01-21T11:25:00.000-08:00

11. The game of football. I have loved it since I first understood it. I figure about 20% of my time as an adolescent was spent playing backyard football. Ellen would tell you that 75% of my time as an adult is spent watching it on TV.

10. Drudgereport. I probably check out Drudge 15-20 times a day. I am a news junkie and have to know what is going on in the world, and Drudge links to everything.

9. California fresh produce. After living in various parts of the nation, and eating all varieties of vegetables and fruits, California has the best fresh produce in the nation, hands down (or hands on an orange, grapes, or strawberries).

8. TIVO/DVR. I love the fact that I can study and work all week, then when I have some time, all of my favorite shows and interests are there for me to watch, and I can skip right through the commercials.

7. Friday Night Lights. I have loved this show since it debuted last year. The acting is superb, and the character arcs are very realistic. Plus it has football in it :)

6. Sincere people. I can't tell you how frustrating it is for Ellen and I to meet someone or speak to someone who give us lip service, but are never genuine with what they say. It is so easy to see through people who aren't sincere, or who stab you in the back the first chance they get. Thus, there is a special place in my heart for sincere, genuine people. We hope we can always be that kind of person to our friends and family.

5. Mild OCD. Hey, it keeps the house clean, and everyone stays calm!

4. International Marriage. There are obvious communication gaps sometimes, but I love the fact that I am part of several cultures now, and have the chance to learn so much from other people.

3. Upcoming fatherhood. We are excited, and I am very excited. I've been waiting for this for a while, and I am excited for all of the New-comers/Costners this year!

2. Parents who care. My mother in law, who communicates with me through grunts and gestures, actually shed a tear when I hugged her goodbye a few weeks ago. I assume its because she will miss us, but it could be because maybe she doesn't think I can take care of her pregnant daughter. At any rate, one of my favorite things is that I can always call up mi madre y padre at anytime, and talk to them about anything, and they don't judge me for what I think or love me any less.

1. My wife. What can I say? I have the most beautiful but low maintenance wife in the world. She is content with being at home, planting her garden, cooking always fresh all the time meals, finding bargains on baby clothes, helping her disorganized hubby stay organized, motivating her sometimes lazy husband, and she is ever patient and forgiving. I love coming home, it is the most stress-free place on earth for me to be. Ellen uses clever ways to tell me I better do something or I will suffer..but she does it without ever raising her voice or making me feel like crap, but instead makes me laugh. If I could follow her example better, I wouldn't upset so many people with my temper!

The Freak Show That is American Idol

2008-01-18T10:16:00.000-08:00

I know its a day or two late, but I had to say something about American Idol. There is a phenomenon readily apparent on Idol, but which is also prevalent in churches and schools across our country: The tone deaf person who is completely ignorant of the fact they are tone-deaf, and instead believe in the fantasy that they are actually very talented at singing.
The difficulty lies in determining where such a false perception of one's own abilities is created. My personal theory is that somewhere in history, Ms Tone Deaf decided to sing in front of a group of friends, family, or the public. After butchering the song, the listener was confronted with a difficult choice: Do I tell Ms Tone Deaf she is horrible, or give her some positive encouragement? It is a difficult situation, one where truth, kindness, reality and fantasy all blur together. So, wanting to be nice, the listener made the mistake of saying "you sang really well" or "beautiful song." This positive reinforcement became embedded into Ms Tone Deaf's psyche, no matter how many subsequent performances resulted in loud sneers or boos, Ms Tone Deaf could always fall back on that one listener who lied in order to be kind. This is how we get the people on Idol who are totally unaware of how bad they truly are at singing. With gusto and enthusiasm, they screech their way through some song. As you may have seen, some even show up with glittery makeup and middle fingers erect, sure that their talent is far better than what Simon, Randy, and Paula give them credit for. How sad. So, lastly, I want to thank those tone deaf people who are aware of their limited singing ability, and choose to enjoy music by listening to it, not subjecting those around them to the complete and utter disaster that is their singing voice.

Posting from Taipei

2007-12-30T16:08:00.000-08:00

This is the second official post from Taipei, Taiwan (I wrote the last post about Christmas from here too). I just ate a interesting but tasty breakfast here at the Taipei office of one of the Chang family companies. The pic her shows what I ate-a doughy onion pancake wrapped around eggs and bacon. It is pretty good, much better than an Egg McMuffin.

We just got here about 2 hours ago after a long 13 hour flight. I am very much aware of the fact that Asian airlines do not use seat arrangements to suit a 300+ pound guy. 13 hours of sitting in a small metal seat made for a 150 lb chinese man is motivation for a stringent diet & exercise program, or, at least the program Randy recommends: "get some pills man, take some pills."

Tonight we hope to go to Taipei 101, currently the tallest building in the world, for the New Year's celebration. I am pretty excited about it, since it dwarfs any stupid falling ball that NYC uses for New Year's.

What a week..more to follow

2007-12-30T15:57:00.000-08:00

Just an update. Ellen and I had a WONDERFUL time with all of my family in Wyoming and Utah. It was probably the last time in a long time that all of my brothers and sister can be together for Christmas. The big news is that there should be 3 newcomers (literally) and a new Costner by next Christmas. There were 4 officially pregnant women at the Newcomer compound in Evanston, and everyone was still able to coexist in peaceful harmony. A job well done. A BIG thanks goes out to the Ryan newcomer family, who cooked nearly every meal, and each one was gourmet delicious. The Ryan Costner clan gets a big thank you for Lacey's wonderful planning/cooking, and Ryan's incomprable comic book characteristics! The Randy Newcomer fam provided some funny moments with Dallin and Kailey, and Randy opening up his present on Christmas morning caused my Mom to have the most shocked look on her face. Sam and Cathy made custom travel pillows for Ellen and I, and I received the coveted Jason Bourne DVD set from them, so I have much gratitude in my media loving heart. D-Bone provided the ever-present sounds of the SNL cast version of Air Supply..whch I still cannot remove completely from my brain. Anyway, a Merry Christmas it was. Let's hope for Christmas 2008 Myrtle Beach! (hint hint Randy)

The pics above are of Ellen shooting a handgun for the first time and of the whole family in front of the Christmas tree.

Just a Sunday Night post

2007-12-02T19:39:00.000-08:00

I am just posting for the sake of posting. Sunday is my one day break from studying and working, and so I truly relax. I always get a good 2-3 hour nap in. Of course, Ellen and I are able to really relax sans children. We need to hurry up and have some kids though, I figure I will be in my mid 50's when our first child goes on a mission or gets married. I'd rather not be so into the latter stages of life when that happens, so c'mon Ellen, lets get going!

The busy R.S. prez
So I'm sitting behind the R.S. president today in gospel doctrine, and I notice this weird object sticking out from the back of her neck, through her hair. As I look a little closer, I realize it is a pretty large sales tag for the necklace she is wearing. I went up and told her discreetly about it, and she was so embarrassed. She said she just bought the necklace yesterday, and must have tried it on this morning with the tag, and simply forgot to take it off. I sure hope she wasn't planning on returning the thing tomorrow, because she ripped the tag off after I told her about it.

MIDTERMS
Anyone who has taken tests in college, and thought those were difficult, needs to experience a law school exam. It will take too long to explain the process, but its like being given a Globe in August, and told to study it. Then, in December, although you have tried to memorize most countries and capitals, the question asks which village near the widest spot of the Amazon river has the biggest library. IT IS CRAZY

The World's Best Apple Pie

2007-11-25T22:21:00.001-08:00

So, for Thanksgiving Ellen and I decided to share with some MANK friends of ours (Married And No Kids) since we didn't want to cook a bunch of food for just the two of us. We were in charge of Desserts, and Wednesday night Ellen made an apple pie that looked weird and tasted kinda funny. I told her to make a different one, to use more sugar, and to see if she could make it look prettier. She did some research, shunned me from the kitchen for a while, then busted out the AMAZING pie you see in the picture here. As anyone who has seen my physical presence knows, I have put down my share of pie wedges over the years..well, who are we kidding, I have put down my share of whole pies over the years, and BY FAR, this pie that Ellen made was THE BEST APPLE PIE I HAVE EVER EATEN IN MY LIFE!!! Yes, a Taiwanese woman made the all-American pie that tasted better than any pie by my mom, grandma, aunt, or any other known being who walks the earth has ever made. I hope she can duplicate it when the family gathers together at Christmas. Did I tell you how much I love Ellen's apple pie??

I never realized what shopping really is...

2007-11-18T19:18:00.000-08:00

Saturday night, 9 P.M., Rancho Cordova Wal-Mart: So we go to Wal-mart because we needed to buy 1 item, a cheapy cd player for Ellen when she teaches her primary class. I go in, and I see that they have a special edition "Princess Bride" DVD on sale..in the cart it goes. "But you didn't buy clothes?" "No, but I think I'll look some more." "Because your in the store?" "No more rhyming and I mean it!" "Anybody want a peanut?"

Anyway, so after we continue and get the CD player, I'm thinking that we are done, and I slowly start back to the checkout stand. Then I notice my beloved is gone. "Hmm...I thought we were just here to get a CD player and then go...where could Ellen be...?" Ellen and I have this little whistle we do to locate each other in a store. Kind of like a mama beaver slapping her tail to warn her young, only I just do the whistle thing. I give the signal, and out of an aisle WAY at the other end of the store peers my wife, with a kind of embarrassing grin on her face. There she is, holding some duck-themed bathroom rug. It was then that I realized how different shopping is for me versus for Ellen. I go to the store with a purpose. I never go to best buy or or anywhere just to "look around" at stuff. If I don't have something to buy, I don't go. Ellen, on the other hand, enjoys shopping just for the sheer activity of strolling around looking at stuff. Last night, she determined that her bathroom needed to be redecorated in a ducky theme. So, for the next hour, you know what I was doing-helping her choose duck towels, duck rugs, a duck waste basket. I had to stop her before we did the duck shower curtain rings. I mean, we have to set a limit. After we get out of wal-mart, with much more than just a CD player, I asked Ellen about what she thinks shopping is. Then she told me that in Mandarin, the word for shopping is "to look at things and buy" and that she was doing exactly that at Wal-mart. That was my chinese lesson for the day. No complaints here, I love spending time with Ellen...I just need to plan on trips to Wal-mart, Target, or Costco taking MUCH longer than I think.

My cousin's wedding

2007-10-04T21:57:00.001-07:00

There were many pics from the wedding, too many to post, so I created a web album where you can see them. Click here

2007-10-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

These are pics from the BYU-UCLA football game we went to in September. I am slooow at getting the pics up, I know. It was cool to go to the Rose Bowl, one of the oldest stadiums in the U.S., and one of the biggest. It seats around 100,000 people. Ellen reluctantly wore her "Fully Invested" T-shirt. She never went to BYU, and never attended a game in Provo, but she is slowly catching the BYU bug.

HDTV is AMAZING

2007-10-04T20:16:00.001-07:00

So, last spring, actually winter to be exact, I convinced Ellen to let me buy a 42 inch Sony High Def Television. It has been great for DVDs, because we also got a HDTV enabled DVD player with an HDMI input. You have to have HDMI to get that crystal clear picture. Maybe down the road, after I graduate law school, I'll get a HD-DVD player, which look great, but cost around 500 bones right now. ANYWAY, we never had cable until last month, when I got Ellen some mandarin channels. This week, I broke down and upgraded to an HDTV signal from Comcast. I know, Comcast stinks compared to Dish, but we have broadband internet too, and all of it is cheaper with Comcast. Well, I upgraded to the HDTV signal today, and the picture clarity is AMAZING. I was watching a little bit of the USC(thats South Carolina) versus Kentucky game, and it was like being at the game! I could see individual blades of grass on the field, the pores on people's faces. It is crazy how clear and smooth an HDTV picture is. The only problem is, there are only so many HD channels right now, so the programming available is somewhat limited..but if you are able to do it, I highly recommend HDTV. I don't know if I can ever watch non-HDTV again!!!

Ok, some people have complained about my lack of posts on this blog (namely LACEY), so I promise to get something up this weekend. Right now, however, I am studying hard getting ready for a criminal law midterm exam, (besides watching a half-hour of HDTV :) so I haven't had time. Be patient people, and I'll get some pics of our recent travels, including the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Universal Studios, and Rhiannon and Jud's wedding on the Cali coast.
Ta-ta for now.

Dark Chocolate M&Ms

2007-09-06T23:13:00.000-07:00

Anyone tried those new dark chocolate M&Ms (DC M&M)? Of course I am referring to the peanut variety, since getting the non-peanut ones would be stupid-they both cost the same, so why not get the ones that include a personal peanut for your eating pleasure??
Anyway, at first I hated the DC M&M. It tasted just like cheap chocolate chips you get that are too bitter and take away from what should be a good chocolate chip cookie. Then, I realized that I shouldn't treat the DC M&M like the normal Peanut M&M, because the normal one is milk chocolate, and is satisfying when popped in the mouth and quickly crunched into oblivion. The DC M&M, I realized, must be massaged in the mouth, allowed to melt patiently, until the candy-coated shell's sweetness melds with the bitter chocolate, undressing the peanut from its candy/chocolate clothes until it crunches satisfyingly in your mouth. THAT IS HOW YOU ENJOY THE NEW DARK CHOCOLATE M&Ms!

Doctor Strangehate

2007-09-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

We changed Ellen's doctor last week after a strange experience. We originally chose this Doc because he was Taiwanese like Ellen, but grew up in Japan and spoke Japanese. This is kind of the lingua franca for Ellen and I, although we primarily use English now.
We met this Doc, and I explained that Ellen was using some herbal supplements she bought from a Chinese medicine shop. The doctor looked at me (Trevor) with complete disgust and said: "Why did you let her use Chinese medicine? Chinese are the dumbest, stinkiest, dirtiest people in the world!" He then looked at me and said "You are supposed to know this, YOU ARE AMERICAN! I CAN"T BELIEVE YOU WERE SO STUPID TO USE CHINESE MEDICINE!!!"
Well, after this rather shocking episode, we promptly changed doctors. I have never been to China, but I know some Chinese, and they are smart, intelligent, kind people. I was surprised that the learned doctor said something which indicates he is not so learned.

New Ellen-isms!!

2007-09-02T21:15:00.000-07:00

My lovely wife Ellen sometimes says some funny things in English-phrases that kind of get lost in translation. I will periodically post them as new ones are created. So, please enjoy these little Ellen-isms!

Where is the cirantro?!!! (Where is the cilantro)
There is a died mouse in the backyard (dead)
Maple sauce for the pancakes (syrup)

There are a ton more, but I always forget, and Ellen doesn't help me remember!

"Your belly improved"-this is what Ellen said when she meant to say "your belly got bigger". I'm not sure I would call this an improvement, but it made me laugh nontheless.

"Subten" -this one took me about 5 mnutes to figure out, finally I learned the intented word-"sabbath"

"rop the benbu leaves" =wrap the bamboo leaves

"The Final Dinner"-this is the name of the picture on our living room wall (We all know it as "The Last Supper")

Byron Sessions Statue Event

2007-08-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

Ellen, Dad, and Grandma

The veiled statue of Byron Sessions, my great-great-great grandpa. He lead a team of Mormon settlers to the Soshone river valley in the Big Horn basin of Northern Wyoming. He was instrumental in organizing a colony there, and in building a vital canal for the settlements. The town of Byron, named after him, is where this statue was laid. If you happen to visit there, the statue is located on the eastern end of Byon, the right side of main street.
Ellen and I

The Dream Reborn

2007-08-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting few months, as I have gone from hating law school and feeling SURE that I was not meant to be an attorney, to the past 2 weeks where I have come to LOVE law school and really enjoy my part time job working as a legal assistant. A year ago, I was overwhelmed with the amount of work, the forced style of learning (the Socratic method and having to read through more than a forest worth of paper), and my complete inability to manage my time wisely. Now, I am still struggling but am making VAST improvements in how I manage my time. I make sure my reading gets done, and remarkably, I am understanding the material much better. Hopefully, I can continue this trend for the next 4 years and finally become an attorney down the road.