Going 360

No, I'm not trying to reach 360 lbs, although it would be doable in a month or two if I wanted. Instead, I'm referring to my purchase of an X-box 360 over this weekend. My wife took our kids to Taiwan for 3 weeks, and since I have no vacation time left, I am home alone. I immediately decided to make a list of all the things I could do since the wife and kids were gone. Buy a motorbike? A boat, or jet ski? Go and get an even bigger T.V.? Fly to Vancouver or Toronto and see Canada? I slowly eliminated different dreams from the list. A motorbike would only be useable for about 4-5 months of the year here in Utah. A boat or jet ski would require the purchase of a truck to pull it around, and I don't really want a truck right now. A bigger T.V. would only give me another 4-6 inches of viewable space, and it would cost around $1,500-$2,500.00 Finally, while contemplating what I could possibly do with my few weeks of "freedom", it hit me. For as long as I've been married, there has been a ban on video games in my home, for good reason. As I'm already a naturally lazy person, having another reason to sit around and stare at a screen while ignoring those around me doesn't make any sense. But now, there isn't anyone around me to ignore, and video game lazy time could just replace my current t.v. watching lazy time. I'll go buy an X-box 360! I rushed over to Walmart and paid 400.00 for the latest and greatest. The 250 GB Kinect model. I bought Madden 2012 too, because, hey, its what men play on the Xbox. I raced home, hooked it up, and started playing. I immediately started feeling guilty. I don't want to offend other fathers over 30 out there who play Xbox, but I could literally feel myself becoming more and more useless, wasting minute after minute, hour after hour. When I was a kid and teenager, video games brought excitement, thrills, and hours and hours of Tecmo bowl joy. Now, I'm a 35 year old man sitting in my living room interacting with a machine, and really stinking at it, and I'm just not getting the same buzz out of it. Remember the law of diminishing returns from Economics? Well, I was living it with the Xbox.

Every time I played a game, all I felt was guilt and shame. When I pressed that X-box button, I felt like life was missing something. Playing Kinect produced beads of sweat, but there's warm weather for outside stuff still yet. Should it stay or should it go? How long before my Ellen would know? Then I thought a funny something: Instead of Xbox, I would actually rather be running! Seriously, that's how bad it got. Physical exercise over recliner-rot. Wrapped up cables, wrapped up cords. No more digitally rendered swords. Xbox placed back in its place. It's box, its cardboard carrying case. Find receipt, climb into car. Already relief of the emotional scar. Walmart counter, "What's the issue?" "You might want to grab a tissue. I'm married and have two beautiful kids. They need their Dad to interact with them. Too young to grasp the game controller, still wanting walks riding in a stroller. Overweight and an MBA student, sitting on my @$$ just wouldn't be prudent. I love my wife and miss her like crazy. I don't want to make her angry. Take this thing and refund my money. Remove this cloud of darkness and restore the sunny." Device returned, cash received. I had really been deceived. The two days time was not spent thrifty, I had come full circle, well, I guess 360.

Stereotypes Affirmed

So, I'm at Costco today, and there is a gathering crowd of people all lining up near a side door. This seems odd to me, since it is not the main card check "wow look at those sweet HDTVs" entrance. As I get a closer look, I notice that all of the people in the crowd were either young (under the age of 30), black, hispanic or caucasian men/women, or if they were older, black women. I then discover that they were all waiting in line to meet Ludacris, an Atlanta based rapper who also appeared in the movie Crash. Luda (oh, I know his nickname) was there promoting his new product, some cognac dubbed "conjure." All I know is, if someone asked me to conjure up a racial profile of Ludacris fans, it would have matched the demo waiting in that line. Now, before anyone gets their drawers up in a bunch, it is only an observation. If Toby Keith was signing autographs at Costco, I would expect a bunch of fat white women or rednecks, with a deere or bud hat on, talking in a language that drops any "ing" endings, angry that Costco don't let em park the trailer in the back, like they does at Wal-mart. The funny thing? I'm a 34 year old white guy, fluent in ebonics, who has enjoyed music from both of those artists.

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Ever seen a goldfish? Ever seen one swimming in a kids mouth?

I think this pic is kinda gross, but my objections were overruled, and so here it is. Its just Rayley munching on some goldfish crackers. Anyone reading this hungry yet? Didn't think so.

Like a Freak on a Leash

I've never been a fan of Korn for several reasons. First, whats up with the K? Are you trying to be scary? If you want to be scary, and use the word Korn, just make it corn, like "Children of the Corn." That movie series is so scary, I have never even seen it. Still, some feral children with scathes and reapers hiding in some tall corn killing a bunch of people frightens me to this day. I've never seen any of the films, and I haven't even checked it out on Wikipedia, but my fear is based on some assumptions based on some overheard conversations in junior high from some fairly credible sources. KORN. Is it an acronym? Kids' Own Runny Noses? Kentucky's Original Red Necks? I see a made-for-TV movie about a renegade band of biker dudes from Kentucky, black leather jackets on, with a really mean looking ear of corn embroidered under the letters K-O-R-N.

Now, the reason for the Korn references is simple. The band Korn had one major hit song, "Freak on a Leash." My little girl can seem like a freak on a leash. Thats the connection. Thats the whole entire reason why the above paragraph exists.

Ellen has finally discovered Target, something I was passively trying to protect my wallet from for the past few years. I've seen what Target can do to a woman. Suddenly, overpowered by the siren call of the simple red dot surrounded by a circle, a woman finds all sorts of crap she never intended to buy, that suddenly become "must haves." I don't want to hear any baloney about how a guy shopping at Home Depot does the same thing, because in those cases, the items purchased are actually useful, its just that sometimes I never get around to using them. Well, during one of Ellen's 3 sojourns to Target this week (yikes!), she stumbled across this monkey on a backpack thingamajiggy, which you fasten to a toddler. We have only used it for a day, but Rayley has already decided its not a good thing for her to be wearing. In one particular pic, you can tell that Mom is not too thrilled with having to hold back the reigns when Rayley wants to touch everything within 30 feet.

Totally Safe for All Infants and Toddlers!(PG-13)

Hmm, I wonder why its hard to find this floatation device in America? Could it have something to do with safety standards or the fact that we value human life? Take a look at this thing, it gives new meaning to the phrase "I'm going to ring your neck!" "Really, your going to ring my neck? Gee, thanks, I'll be able to enjoy countless hours in the pool now!" Rayley is our little tadpole, and she loves to paddle around any body of water in which its physically possible to do so.

When most people notice our little mermaid on the surface, they give this look of shock, curiosity, and then ask what the number is for Child Protective Services. If they would just inspect a little closer, they would realize just how safe and effective the neck-nut (thats what I call it, you know, donut for the neck) can be in teaching your little ones to swim. The only worry I have is that, in the unfortunate circumstance that Rayley is drowning some day, someone will toss her a life-saver, and she will mistakenly slip her head through it, and be confused that her chin doesn't naturally rest on it somewhere. Other than that, I'm trying to figure out how to market these things in the U.S. Liability insurance might be a problem though...

Oh, this post is rated PG-13 because Ellen just pointed out the kids making out in the hot tub in the background of one photo.

Cause she's proud to be an American!

Ellen is a Citizen of the United States of America! After 3 years of enduring marriage to me, studying and passing a civics test, and paying a lot of money to the U.S. Govt, Ellen took the oath and was naturalized on August 12th. Once we were leaving the ceremony site, Ellen actually expressed to me that she really likes the Lee Greenwood song, "God Bless the USA." She wants to get it as a ringtone on her cell phone. I think its a little strange to have that as a ringtone when its not around the 4th of July, but hey, I'm not a recently naturalized citizen, so who am I to judge?

Fish Night at Golden Corral

Somewhere within the extended family of my mom's, the idea has been planted that the Golden Corral is the next best thing to a Ruth's Chris or Morton's for dinner. I can't quite figure out where this idea originated from, but the fact that it exists within the collective conscious of the Sprague clan (my mom's family) is undeniable. It was merely 12 years ago that we all gathered for a Thanksgiving feast on the plains of Oklahoma. Did we sup at a warm and inviting farmhouse dining room table? No! We settled for the formica-topped glory of the Enid, OK Golden Corral. This, at least for me, was a travesty, but one I could forgive. It was the most convenient way to ensure everyone got enough to eat, and that we would all have time to enjoy each other's company, without having to cook and clean for two days.

However, this year's gathering in Utah was different than the 1997 Thanksgiving conclave on the western fringes of Oklahoma. Utah offers much more dining options than the GC, and much better ones, I might add. Most Utahns' themselves would say that the Chuck-A-Rama is a better buffet option (although thats like comparing poop to vomit). Within 20 miles of downtown SLC, one can find plenty of better places: bbq joints, Wingers (love them wings), Cafe Rio (mmm) and the decent chains we know and love, like TGI Fridays, Olive Garden, and even Applebee's. Now, some may argue you get more bang for your buck at GC, but I beg to differ. It was $30.00 for my sweetie and me to get dinner and drinks, and our best options were roasted chicken under the heat lamps and the bread pudding. (Buffet bread pudding is the best. Wait, its the only place I ever find bread pudding. Still, a soup crock full of bread pudding with some cheapy ice milk dumped on top is a special treat every belt-loosening glutton would devour with delight). STILL, for $30.00 we could have had some good entrees and maybe even an appetizer at another place.

Even though the bang for your buck theory doesn't hold with GC, it is the lesser of offenses committed there. This is because the worst part of a Friday Fish Night at the GC is the rest of the folks elbowing each other for the freshly reheated morsels of mass-produced "just like mashed potatoes" and meatloaf, since the fish sticks and miniature fried scallops have already been cleaned out. I have never seen more people genuinely excited at the prospect of eating as much as they could stuff in their guts...and I am a veteran gut-stuffer, going way back to my high school days, where the lunch buffet at Godfather's Pizza was a chance to prove your manliness, or sissyness. Friday night at GC, I saw young and old disappointed that the last stale taco shell was shattered into chips, leaving tons of over-seasoned ground meat product just sitting in its metal bin. As if the taco would have held together during the entire eating process, never turning to taco salad on the plate anyway. C'mon people, just dump the meat on your plate with some cheese and lettuce, and call it good. Quit stopping the line waiting for another sleeve of taco shells to be dumped in front of you!

Who eats those kind of tacos anymore anyway? I guess one of the perks of living in Cali is discovering that tacos don't come in a molded fried corn shell, but on two warm corn tortillas, with some lime, jalapenos, cilantro, and whatever meat you choose on it. I'm getting hungry just writing about it. Anyway, thats saying something when Jorge's Taco Truck at lunchtime beats a sit-down place packed with folks on a Friday night.

Anyway, I don't want to offend those who go to bed at night dreaming of the next trip to the Golden Corral, so I will leave with some positives: Bread Pudding, Ice Cream, and fresh baked rolls with honey-butter.

The Invention that Changes Everything!

OK, I realize that I am one of those rare men who post on a blog sometimes, and the post has nothing to do about sports, or hot chicks, although I do talk about steaks, ice cream, nachos, and other foodstuffs occasionally. As a man, I am prone to saying some really insensitive and stupid things sometimes. Case in point, I recently pointed out to my wife how well another woman in our ward seems to handle three kids at home while her husband works full-time. BAD IDEA. The aftermath of that comment I made is still being felt in the Newcomer household. No matter how much I apologize, the stain of that remark seems to linger, and there is no soothing laundry detergent for words that can get it out. However, I thought about a way to sort of heal the hurting words, the bitter feelings, a little better. Introducing.........




THE EMOTIONAL CAMERA.
The Emotional Camera (EC) would take emotional photographs of different moments in life. Equipped with a delete button, anytime a snapshot of bad emotions is taken, it can be quickly forgotten. With a special "fleshy tables of the heart" gajigabite memory, all the positive feelings, all the lovey-doveys and gooshy-wooshies, all the "awww...Trevs" and "You're amazings" would be saved. Then, in a moment of weakness, that moment where my mouth has formed words, and my tongue is in the midst of delivering said words, but my mind is just beginning to understand the emotionally traumatic impact of the words, I can relax. As my significant other begins to form a sad and dissapointed, even dejected face, I can whip out the EC. "Here baby, take a look at this one..doesn't that feel good? Remember how wonderful I was that time? Oh, look at this one here, when we had a wonderful time and I told you how beautiful you are, and how lucky I am to have met you, and how incredibly miraculous it was for me to somehow convince you to marry me..remember that. doesn't that feel wonderful?" (Actually, that last one might cause more bad than good, but you get the idea).

The EC would help promote marital health, good relationships, shiny happy people holding hands, everything good.

Now I just need to invent it.

Where do they learn this stuff?

Ellen likes to sleep with her arms covering her eyes. I have a theory of why Ellen does it so much. I figure she is so used to covering her eyes for the times I make a run from the shower to my dresser, that her body just naturally reverts to the same pose when she sleeps. Still, that doesn't explain why my 9-month old daughter does it. Is it in the genes?

For the other picture, I have no idea where Rayley learned to act like that. She barely knows how to give me a kiss, much less some young little studmuffin like Benji here.

Like a Stone Cut Out of a Mountain

 

 

 

 

When I first visited Ellen's famiy in Meinong in 2005, there were rumors about a new LDS chapel being built nearby. While driving around town, we stumbled upon this ginormous (for Asia) new jewel standing tall in the city. I thought this was a temple at first, with the large steeple and majestic form. We learned that it is large enough to support three wards, which is interesting since at this point in time, there is only a small branch there. "If you build it, they will come" seems to be the philosophy. The church definitely stands out amongst the older buildings of the area. The sign at the bottom is a warning to any construction crews that tobacco, alcohol, and betel nut are not to be used while working at the site. 

Scenes from Meinong, Taiwan

A rice paddy near Papa's home in Meinong.

This is a Pitaya (dragon fruit) vine.

Sunset

Trip to Taitung, Taiwan

On the southeastern coast of Taiwan sits the town of Taitung. We traveled down to Taitung to visit our friend Sho Sho, who just delivered a baby boy, the same day we arrived! We loved Taitung, with its gorgeous views of the eastern Pacific coastline. That's Grandma Chang holding Rayley. Is it me, or does Rayley look like my sister Lacey? I definitely see a resemblance.

Flowers of Taiwan

 

 

 

 

Here are some pics from Taiwan. The top shows a pic of our family in one of many flower fields near Papa's house in Meinong. Many people around Taiwan travel to Meinong around Chinese New Year to see the various flowers. The next two pics are of orchids from Papa's orchid farm. Finally, I just stuck a pic of Rayley and a cat in here for the heck of it.

Thanksgiving pics up before Christmas!

So some people have been bugging me to post some pics of the Thanksgiving festivities held at our house. Here are pics of most of the worthwhile activities that went on, although one particular event will not have any photos associated with it, to protect the viewers of this blog. Here among the pictures is a picture taken from the Muir Beach overlook, just north of San Francisco. We were originally trying to visit the Muir Woods National Monument, but were going to be too late for entry, so we took a detour and found this place, right at sunset. It is truly a breathtaking view. The picture of us in front of the Sacramento Temple was taken on the day that Rayley was blessed. The picture on the top-left is Rayley is trying to make friends with Benji, the only other asian-american baby in our ward. The other pic is my parents holding Rayley at the Muir Beach overlook. 

The Resun Asian Kids are smarterer than American kids

We have all heard and seen the stereotype about Asians being better academically than the rest of us. Typically, kids over in China, Taiwan, Japan, or Korea are 2-3 years ahead in math and science than similarly aged kids over here in the U.S. This has always puzzled me, since I have spent time with kids in Taiwan and Japan, and they did not strike me as particularly smarter than kids here in the U.S.
Ellen and I had a good long talk about these stereotypes, and she shed some serious light on why kids perform better in Asia, especially in math and science: beatings

Corporal punishment was once pretty common here in the U.S. When my folks where in school, the principal really paddled kids butts if they screwed up. When I was a young lad, the principal had a paddle, hanging on his wall, in plain sight of all the adolescent troublemakers eyes. I never knew the feel of Mr. Melican's paddle, and my classmates who went down to his office often, told me it didn't hurt. I suppose they got worse beatings at home than what the principal could dish out. Well, I'm here to tell ya that NOTHING here in the states compares to what students get in Taiwan.
When Ellen was in school, kids were literally beaten across the face, wrists, knuckles, legs, etc until the bled. Ellen told me in all seriousness how she would get struck across the face for failing a test.
"If we had a math test with 10 questions, I would get hit on my hand, leg, or butt for each question I missed, by the teacher."
Wow. Here in the states, if a kid messes up on a math test, he gets a tutor, or a special committee is formed to help him gain confidence in math, he's placed into an afterschool program, or he is coddled over to the shop class or "industrial arts" program. We have sissified legions of Americans whereas over in Asia, millions upon millions of kids learn what "compulsory" in compulsory education really means. How are we supposed to compete with that?

Trunk or Treat

Just some pics from another ward's Trunk or Treat we crashed this week. We just wanted to show off our cutie, "The Office" style of course :)

She is supposed to be a pea pod, and we decided to complement her with our groceries for the week. 

The Culinary Conversion of a Rice & Noodles Gal

We've been married almost three years, and in that time, I have had the privilege of eating hundreds of bowls of rice, and hundreds of other bowls of noodles. Asian fare is the norm, and American fare the exception. Most folks say "hey, lets do something different and go out for Chinese tonight." In our home, its "gosh, wouldn't it be different to go out for burgers, or steak, or a pizza? Lets do something really weird and eat hot dogs!" If we really feel adventurous, we hit a Mexican place, which in California, are as ubiquitous as McDonald's. Since the birth of our first baby in July, however, Ellen's appetite has undergone a transformation that is nothing short of a minor miracle. No longer are we shopping weekly at the local Asian"Shoon-Fung" (that's how ya say it) supermarket where I'm the only guy over 225 lbs, and definitely the only guy with hair that isn't black. Now we hit places like Winco, Wal-mart, and Raley's. (Yes, the grocery store was kind of an inspiration for our daughter's name. Don't laugh.) Those are stores where there are always a lot of fat people, stinky people, thrifty people, and some brave and clean people, but few reverent people. It's  a mixing pot of all races, faces, and criminal law cases. Anyway, this is a post about food, not food stores, so I continue below.

Tonight was the realization of constant campaigning on my part for a change in standard cuisine at the Newcomer household. I figure, if we are going to eat carbs, we might as well let potatoes and bread be part of the mix, right?

Well, feast your eyes on this food lovers, I present to you....

Ellen's Surf & Turf Special

Enjoy a mouthwatering USDA choice cut ribeye paired with pan-seared scallops in garlic and bacon sauce, complemented by a garden-fresh vegetable medley, Trevor's famous home-made bread, and bacon & ranch kissed pasta salad with fresh greens. 

Too dumb for Ellen

No, I'm not referring to myself in the title of this post, but maybe I should? 

This weekend, some friends had a game night, and the featured game was "Mexican Train Dominoes." Ellen has grown up playing Mahjong, a fast paced and somewhat complicated game where each player must make quick memorization of several tiles, all with different characters and numbers on them, and then making several calculations throughout the game while tiles are being played and discarded in pretty rapid fashion. In Taiwan, I have yet to see a Mahjong game played where money isn't gambled as part of the game. Can you imagine playing Uno here, but you have to pony up $50.00 just to join in? (Maybe some of you do that already). 

Well, Ellen was playing the dominoes game this past weekend, and the whole time, she was speaking to me in Japanese saying "This is a really dumb game. Dumb people must like this game." 

After two rounds, she finally had enough, and asked the host "Is there a game we can all play that needs more brain power?"

Thats my sweetie. 

Never too early...

We figure that Rayley, with her Chinese heritage, has a great chance of being a world-class gymnast. Here is a pic of her doing her pre-routine stretches, and another pic of her practicing on the rings. We know the rings are a male-event, but we figure Rayley's talent will convince the IOC to allow her in the competition.  We assume she will be old enough to qualify for the Chinese National team in about 4 years! 

Fighting the Good Fight

We had a great meeting last night, for the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign,  with hundreds of dedicated volunteers amassing to plan the next crucial weeks of the campaign. I have created a new blog entirely for this purpose: marriage=man+woman

This blog is a forum for discussing the gay marriage issue. Feel free to comment there, regardless of your point of view. I welcome all comments, but will not condone bigotry, hateful speech, or misleading information.