Going 360

No, I'm not trying to reach 360 lbs, although it would be doable in a month or two if I wanted. Instead, I'm referring to my purchase of an X-box 360 over this weekend. My wife took our kids to Taiwan for 3 weeks, and since I have no vacation time left, I am home alone. I immediately decided to make a list of all the things I could do since the wife and kids were gone. Buy a motorbike? A boat, or jet ski? Go and get an even bigger T.V.? Fly to Vancouver or Toronto and see Canada? I slowly eliminated different dreams from the list. A motorbike would only be useable for about 4-5 months of the year here in Utah. A boat or jet ski would require the purchase of a truck to pull it around, and I don't really want a truck right now. A bigger T.V. would only give me another 4-6 inches of viewable space, and it would cost around $1,500-$2,500.00 Finally, while contemplating what I could possibly do with my few weeks of "freedom", it hit me. For as long as I've been married, there has been a ban on video games in my home, for good reason. As I'm already a naturally lazy person, having another reason to sit around and stare at a screen while ignoring those around me doesn't make any sense. But now, there isn't anyone around me to ignore, and video game lazy time could just replace my current t.v. watching lazy time. I'll go buy an X-box 360! I rushed over to Walmart and paid 400.00 for the latest and greatest. The 250 GB Kinect model. I bought Madden 2012 too, because, hey, its what men play on the Xbox. I raced home, hooked it up, and started playing. I immediately started feeling guilty. I don't want to offend other fathers over 30 out there who play Xbox, but I could literally feel myself becoming more and more useless, wasting minute after minute, hour after hour. When I was a kid and teenager, video games brought excitement, thrills, and hours and hours of Tecmo bowl joy. Now, I'm a 35 year old man sitting in my living room interacting with a machine, and really stinking at it, and I'm just not getting the same buzz out of it. Remember the law of diminishing returns from Economics? Well, I was living it with the Xbox.

Every time I played a game, all I felt was guilt and shame. When I pressed that X-box button, I felt like life was missing something. Playing Kinect produced beads of sweat, but there's warm weather for outside stuff still yet. Should it stay or should it go? How long before my Ellen would know? Then I thought a funny something: Instead of Xbox, I would actually rather be running! Seriously, that's how bad it got. Physical exercise over recliner-rot. Wrapped up cables, wrapped up cords. No more digitally rendered swords. Xbox placed back in its place. It's box, its cardboard carrying case. Find receipt, climb into car. Already relief of the emotional scar. Walmart counter, "What's the issue?" "You might want to grab a tissue. I'm married and have two beautiful kids. They need their Dad to interact with them. Too young to grasp the game controller, still wanting walks riding in a stroller. Overweight and an MBA student, sitting on my @$$ just wouldn't be prudent. I love my wife and miss her like crazy. I don't want to make her angry. Take this thing and refund my money. Remove this cloud of darkness and restore the sunny." Device returned, cash received. I had really been deceived. The two days time was not spent thrifty, I had come full circle, well, I guess 360.