Hecka Stupid

For those who don't know, California is culturally divided into "So Cal" (Southern California) and "No-Cal" or "Nor-Cal" (Northern California. I think the dividing line is somewhere around Bakersfield, but as a transplant to the state, I'm not a respected authority on the subject). That being said, I wish to comment on an annoying phenomenon spreading around No-Cal: the use of the prefix "hecka" in front of another word. An example is "hecka delicious." Apparently, "hecka" is a sanitized version of "hella" itself a shortened version of "helluva" which itself is a condensed version of "hell of a." If you extrapolate the phrase "hecka delicious" it makes no sense. You wouldn't, for example, say "hell of a delicious" by itself, without some subject behind it. You could, for example, say that was one "hell of a delicious pie," although the person who baked the pie might feel awkward at hearing that. Still, it would make more sense that just saying, after eating the pie, "hecka delicious."

Now, where I'm from, the word "hell" is one of the low-dose cuss words. If the F-word was Oxycotin or Vicodin, "hell" is more of children's Tylenol, candy coated or something. Thus, there really is no need for the use of "hecka." In fact, the acceptance of "hecka" into the vernacular of children up here in No-Cal could actually be detrimental to their vocabularies. Just as marijuana is a gateway drug to stronger more potent narcotics, the use of "hecka" can equally lead to the use of "fetchin," "freakin," or "shiz," which everyone knows are only a few letters off from the really bad words. I actually have a brother who has mastered the intricate uses of all the nearly cuss words. He can use beeotch, ace-hole, fetchin, freakin, shiz, shiz-nit, and any other combination of "almost said it but I didn't" swear words to get his point across. Of course, once in a while a real word can slip out, but then he can say "I was trying to say shiz, but it came out wrong." 

Anyway,  I get a little annoyed every time I hear hecka, or hella, for that matter. Then I remembered the words I said ad nauseam when I was a child. I used to say "dud" all the time. Examples: "Kory can't hit a baseball very far, he is a dud."  "The Cubs stink, they are duds." 

"John, you are a dude without the e." (I thought that was so clever). Imagine how perplexed we were when we lit a firecracker that wouldn't explode. We didn't know what to call it. We had no idea that "dud" is the proper term. 

I used to say "fag" like it was a term of endearment. "Jake is one smart little fag" or "Man, did you see Dave? Dude, that fag is fast!" I had no idea what the word fag actually meant. Sorry to all the guys I called fags when I was little. Hopefully, the label didn't stick. I'm hecka sorry.